I once again feel this need to update you. And then maybe I'll share some of my spiritual journey on the 2nd one I do this month :)
We are one week back from a 12 day trip to Denver. It started with us going to Denver for the funeral of Mark's grandmother. A bittersweet time for sure. We have no doubt that she's in heaven, healed and whole, but we are sad for those left here. It's a new place to be for Mark. He remarked that he's 38 - almost 39 - and this will be the first time in his life that he hasn't had grandparents. What a blessing to have had them in his life for as long as he did. And still such a change when they are gone.
Mark stayed up for two more days for district meetings then drove back home. The kids and I stayed up the extra week because we had my sister Kelly's baby shower to go to (something we had already planned on doing). My broken booty said it was easier to stay up rather than drive up and back twice. It also gave us another opportunity to visit the therapist we've seen with Kate.
So it worked out. Honestly I was nervous about how it would be. I was worried we'd overwhelm my generous parents for letting us stay. I was worried I'd lose my mind single parenting all week. But my worrying was, of course, for nothing. Yes there were challenges but it went very well.
We did a couple field trips. One to the Denver Mint and one to the Museum of Nature and Science. If I could homeschool in Denver it'd be awesome. So much stuff to do and see! We'd have a blast. We'd be broke but it'd be fun! For now we just do what we can while we're up there.
I went to an Avalanche game with my dad. One that my children turned down. Let's just say they aren't likely to do again :)
Kale turned 9! And he soaked it all up. He requested Red Robin for lunch and a Dairy Queen ice cream cake. Daddy would've been pleased with RR. I was thrilled with the ice cream cake. Win win!
You wouldn't know this because once you read this you just toodle along reading all I've written, but I just sat here for like 10 minutes trying to get my thoughts together to write this. I was on the verge of frustration and I realized that this is probably why blogging has been so difficult for me for the past 6 or 7 months.
Back in August when I went to doctors to see what my deal was, my general practitioner said I was dealing with the physical side effects of stress. Made total sense to me. I had been uber stressed! But a couple months ago I looked up the symptoms of clinical depression. I was shocked at how many symptoms I had. And I came to a greater realization that this was more than I thought.
I've always been a buck up and move on kind of person. Not that I skip hard things but that I can always do something to change it. This time I couldn't. This time has been so frustrating because of my lack of ability to think, focus, concentrate, stay awake... My grace tank is empty and that's not fun for me, Mark or my kids.
I finally decided - and was persuaded - to go visit Kate's therapist and see what she could do for me. I was honestly amazed at what she shared with me and how she wanted to help get me off medication (which really wasn't helping all that much) and see change. I was able to see her twice and in just two visits I can already tell a difference. I'm not out of the tunnel but I can clearly see the light at the end. Helplessness (another symptom) is slowly leaving and hopefulness is taking over. I can't tell you how thankful I am for that. I have learned a lot, and continue to learn a lot, and am learning more compassion and understanding. Blessings come from raindrops. It's a journey for sure.
In church land (just to switch up gears on ya - welcome to my new world), we are still in the process of finding a new youth pastor. It's been a crazy process and it hasn't been without learning curve bumps in the road of new pastors. But overall it's been fun and exciting to see what God has in store for a generation He loves so very much. We are this close to filling the position and I'll fill you in when it happens. This has definitely been a year of crazy firsts for us!
At this moment Mark is at the church working on another paper for school. This class has been the hardest for him. By far. God is stretching him in so many ways. Not always a fun time. But he's doing such an amazing job - far better than he thought he could. Funny how God knows and we catch up :)
This is about all I can muster out into words at the moment. I really hope to be able to share what we're doing in the upcoming month and all the lessons God is teaching me. That's more brain power then I have at the moment. Thanks for hanging in there with me!
