Never the Same/Only My God

This post is Only My God and I Was Never the Same. There's no other way to post it. It was both miraculous and life-changing.

It was meeting, and then marrying, my best friend.

If it sounds cheesy, well too bad. It's true. Only my God could've sent me this man and I was definitely never the same after meeting and marrying him. It's just that good. Seriously! Here's the story: I came to college in Durango in 1994. I got saved in '96 {story here} and in '98 started going to church with my good friend Corrie. We went to New Life Chapel {now known as the River Church}. Mark worked there as the youth pastor. He had started not too long before I started going there.

I saw him occasionally. He would go up in front of the church and plug something the youth group was doing. My most vivid memory of him in front of church was when he was trying to get the congregation to donate money for a church van so the kids could go on trips. He was up there every other week! I remember thinking "He's cute. I'll be he's old {like 33 or something..haha} and is married. Too bad." Then I'd just go on with stuff. Not really paying much attention.

During the summer of '98 I lived with my good friend Sharron. She went to New Life too. In June her friend Joel came to town. She and Joel worked at a camp up near Silverton the summer before. Turns out, they both worked at that camp with Mark. Joel wanted to hang out with Mark and Sharron and Sharron didn't want to be the only girl so what else could a good roommate do but hang out with them?

Our first time out together was the 4th of July. We went swimming at Navajo Lake. What a way to get to know each other. In all your splendor! A swimsuit! Ewwww! But we went and had fun and got over how white we were.... We watched fireworks that night and talked. I was shocked to find out that Mark was only two years older than me and was not married already. Hmmmmm.....

Then we were pretty much inseparable. We hung out every weekend while Joel was in town. We went to the Bar D even! I remember thinking, I could totally marry this guy. How crazy was that? The weekend of August 9th I was in Denver for a highschool friend's wedding. I was sitting on the back deck with various family members and I told them about Mark. What I remember telling them was that I had met a guy that I could totally marry {they are pretty sure I said I was going to marry him but I don't remember it that way...}. Then they asked if we'd gone out. I said no. They laughed. How in the world could I know that I could marry someone without even going on one date?

I don't know. I just could I guess.

I booked it home to Durango after the wedding. I wanted to be back for church on Sunday so I could see Mark. It turned out to be the right choice. We sat together at church [Joel and Sharon were both gone that Sunday] and immediately afterward he asked me to lunch. And the rest is pretty much history.

3 months into our relationship I remember us having a discussion while at dinner at the Red Snapper {delish!} about getting married. I remember thinking this is insane! We've only been going out 3 months! But at the same time I knew that it was God. I knew that this was the one He had for me. And I was at peace with it.

We dated for over a year before we got engaged so don't think we just went for it immediately. We just both knew that we didn't want to continue dating if we didn't think that we could marry each other. What's the point in dating if marriage was out of the question?! We were dating with a purpose.Looking back I can see how God orchestrated so many things. We had many mutual friends - for a couple years in fact - yet never met. God was working on both of us to prepare us to meet each other. I know that if we had met sooner we probably wouldn't have really noticed each other. He's everything I had been praying for and more. Before I met Mark I had made a list. Don't think I'm shallow. I didn't put on there hair/eye color or height. I put on there things I knew I couldn't live without. Things like: a Christian {a real Christian - not only to me but to everybody else} a sense of humor, kind, affectionate, sincere and honest, intelligent...these things mattered to me. And so I prayed about them. I knew there was a person out there that would fit those things that were important to me. God knew. And God cared. He brought me Mark.He's all those things and so many more things that I never knew I needed or wanted. He's uber patient, loving, considerate, polite, gentle, willing to grow and change with me, adventurous, and so much fun! He's challenged me in so many ways and I am definitely not the same since being with him. He's made me better. By far.

God totally knew what He was doing! I love it when He does that!

I was never the same...

If you didn't read my first post about this please refer back. Basically I am wanting my children (and anyone else who wants to know) to see how different things in my life have changed me. It's been so interesting for me to think back and see what has meant so much to me in my life.

I was never the same after...I asked Jesus into my life.

I grew up going to church. Every Sunday (except for the summers...I was HUGE into softball and that's when the tournaments were!) the Coopers were there in the second row on the right side. If we weren't in that pew then we weren't there :) Although there were a lot of things I didn't understand back then, I am so thankful that God was made part of my life from the beginning. I know that it made a difference in the future.

When I was in high school my church got a new youth pastor. Her name was Ann. She was awesome. We did ski trips, youth group and overnighters at her house. I think for the first time I was having a blast going to church. She was helping me to understand what it meant to know Jesus - as a friend. I remember thinking that she had such a great job. What fun to hang out with highschoolers {funny how God worked that out...}.

Anyway, I went away to college. Fort Lewis College -- Harvard on the Hill -- in Durango, CO. My first two years were spent trying to figure out what I was doing and who I was. Living a life that I thought I was supposed to live. I had planned on going to college then on to med school. When I realized that I wasn't that motivated, I switched to nursing (a lot less time in school). Honestly I was so unsure of what I was supposed to do. What was my purpose? Where was I going?

I met my friend Lori playing softball for the Fort. We were team captains together our sophomore year. She was a Christian. I remember thinking that she was some crazy Christian {forgive me Lori - I had no idea how awesome you were}. Crazy because she actually lived out what she believed. She brought her Bible with us on road trips - and read it! She was nice, genuine, caring, didn't cuss {I cussed like a sailor - sorry mom and dad - pot-ty mouth!}, and my friend.

We spent a lot of time together that year. I got to know her better and got to see what it meant to live your life with Jesus as the center. For my life, up until then, Jesus was on the outside looking in. I knew who He was, what He did and church was a part of my life but really, Jesus wasn't. He was part of that church thing.

One time at the beginning of my junior year Lori asked me if I wanted to go to a church retreat with her. I didn't want to. I was scared to death about what I might encounter there. Christians who were different from me? I didn't think I could handle that. What if they were super dooper weird?!

I told Lori that I didn't think we believed the same thing and that it probably wasn't a good idea. She asked me what was different. I couldn't think of much to say so I told her that I had lots of questions and really wasn't sure about the whole "Jesus" thing. At the time I was being challenged in so many areas of my life. I had a boyfriend who really was not good for me. I was confused about my future with school and confused about my life. And I was confused about God and church and Jesus. Why wasn't my faith the same as hers? What did I really believe? I mean, I thought I knew but then again, I had no idea.

Then she said something that I will never forget. She asked me if I wanted to meet with her once a week and discuss my questions and talk about things. This blew me away and here's why. No one, since my old youth pastor, had wanted to spend time with me. Intentionally. Sure I had friends. Sure we hung out. Sure we lived together, had class together, had fun together. But it wasn't the same as someone caring about me. Investing in me. Wanting to help me. Answering questions. Listening to my life problems. It was amazing.

So we started meeting. I asked all my questions. Lori did her best to answer. But truthfully, deep down, I didn't care about her answers. I wanted what she had. I wanted that peace and confidence. I wanted to feel secure, purposeful and content. She did a great job with my questions but I really wanted to know the Jesus she knew. And very soon I met him. And I was not disappointed. And I was changed from the inside out.

Since those meetings I have learned so much about Jesus. About Jesus my friend, not Jesus/church. Ya see, I, like so many others, thought that Jesus was church. That church was Jesus. I didn't always like church so I didn't always like Jesus. When church was great, Jesus was great. When it wasn't, He wasn't. Make sense? Now I know Jesus as my friend, my savior, my King. It's not about church. It's about a relationship with Him. And it's changed my life.

Because of those amazing people that God brought into my life {really only a couple were mentioned but there were sooooo many others} I learned about Christ's love for me, His sacrifice for me, His plan for me. It's an adventure that I have not regretted...ever. Not once.

This happened in 1996 - 13 years ago. Today, I am married to an awesome Christian man who I believe wholeheartedly God brought to me. We have 3 beautiful children who we are raising to know and love the same God we do. I am part of an unbelievable church and we have the privilege to work there!! How cool is that? Getting paid to do what we love to do - telling others about God's perfect love for each one of us.

I pray that I have been able to positively impact others around me for Jesus, just as Ann and Lori and many others were able to do with me. My life has never been the same since I met Jesus and for that I am truly thankful!

I was never the same...

The conference challenged me to write down parts of my "story". Particularly things that have happened in my life that changed me. I would love for my kids to grow up and read my story and know who I am/was and how God fits into all of this. So I decided to, over time, share times in my life that I can honestly say - I was never the same after...

Here's the first one I can remember.

I was never the same after....5th - 7th grade. {FYI 5th and 6th grades were still elementary and 7th was junior high}

When I was younger I was a bully. Well maybe not a full on bully that physically hurt people, but I was bossy, didn't treat friends really well, struggled with my own insecurities of moving to a new school {we moved to Golden when I was in 4th grade} and tried desperately to make people like me and be my friend. I had friend circles, cliques. I said what I wanted, when I wanted. At least that's how I remember things.

When I was a 5th grader I hurt a friend badly. I honestly can not remember what I did but I vividly remember what happened after.

She was friends with the big, tough 6th graders. She told them that I had a group of friends - a club - that in order to get into my club you had to tell me that you loved me. Sounds incredibly crazy and I don't remember exactly doing that. I did have a club of sorts and I'm sure I wasn't nice about it and let this girl in. Not so sweet of bossy, controlling little me.

So anyway, the 6th graders - her friends - decided to take action. They formed their own club - the "I love Jill" club. This club had a newsletter (they actually wrote out their rules and passed them out to any 6th grader who wanted to participate - the principal caught them and they got in trouble for that), they sang "Jill" songs on the bus as we'd go to and from school {even the little kindergartners and 1st graders would join in - I would just stare out the window and try to become invisible}, and when they'd see me in person they would bend down, kiss my feet, and tell me that they loved me. It was humiliating and it went on forever!

In fact I remember one day coming home from school and there was a sign posted on our backyard fence - it was a big sign. It said "Jill Cooper is a loser" I'm telling you, it was a nightmare.

When I finally became a 6th grader I thought things would get better. Then I had to go to the junior high for a "buddy" day. That's when the older kids take 6th graders around and show them the school to prepare them for the next year.

While on buddy day my buddy was walking me around the school (thankfully this wasn't a kid I knew from before) and we ran into some old 6th graders. They immediately recognized me and bent down and kissed my feet and then proceeded to tell me that they couldn't wait till I came to school so they could stuff me in a locker, make me push a penny or throw me in the trash. I about peed my pants standing there.

You can ask my parents, I absolutely did not want to go to junior high and pleaded and begged and dreaded going all summer! They made me go.

I went and boy was I a changed person. I kept my head down, talked and looked at almost no one. I walked out of my way to avoid people and I was grateful for any person who would be my friend. I had a few friends in junior high, I wasn't completely outcast. But I treated them so much differently. I was not a perfect friend but I really changed how I behaved.

There were a few more instances in junior high when some 8th grader would remember me and come over and kiss my feet and tell me they loved me. But they were fewer and far between. Eventually I got more and more confident again but I can say that I did not go back to my old ways.

I value my friends and try to show them I love them (not always very successful at that but I try). I realized that friends are a gift and should be treated as such. I've never spoken to that girl from 5th grade. I don't know if she has any memories of me like I have of her. I am both thankful and sad for that experience. It hurt deeply but I know that I was never the same after 5th grade - hopefully I'm much better!