I figure if I post everysingleday you'd get bored of reading my interesting-to-me thoughts. Either that or it's just an excuse to go a few days in between posts. Lazy? Maybe.... Busy? Definitely.
So. This weekend was Mother's Day or as Kate says "Mudder's Day". And I love the way she says it. So much like my little girl. Mark and I tell people that we love "e chudder" a lot. At least that's what Kate tells us. That we love e chudder. TH's are hard to say :) so it becomes udder.
Anyway, yesterday was nice. Went to church, I helped count offering for 2 1/2 hours! (way long time), went to lunch at Applebee's with some wonderful friends, received several cards and flowers from my children, took a nap, called my mom, blew my nose only half a million times, ate cereal for dinner, and had a nice quiet evening watching the Amazing Race finale (Jet and Cord so should've won!). Nothing very glamorous but it was nice. Mark was wonderful and did a lot of the parenting stuff. There's no way we can get a complete break but it was nice to sit at times and be taken care of. Mark's good stuff I tell ya.
I boxed up every single toy in my house thanks to my friend Andie. She gave me the idea to help reduce clutter and I could focus on nothing else till it was done. I'm driven that way. So now the kids don't have any toys in their rooms. Instead they're in our closet and against a wall till we can build a cabinet. So far (day 3 here people) it's been heavenly. They play with one bin at a time (either cars or legos or dolls) and they put it away and get out another one. At this moment there aren't any toys on the floor. Unbelievable! I'm praying we can continue with this peaceful existence. The kids enjoy their toys more now that they aren't walking all over them and I get to enjoy a clutter-free (well almost clutter free, I still have work to do on my stuff...) house. Clean up is so much quicker. Ahhhhhh......
I have plans this summer to do more organizing, build more furniture and create more peace in my house. My summer plans are bittersweet. I had planned to do minimal work. A little gardening, a little building with lots of Mark's help, a little rearranging to make room for a new Palmer. And now that's changed. Now I have more plans to do more gardening, more building and more organizing. I'm excited that I can do all these things but it feels weird to be happy about it. I think that's something I'll just be dealing with for a while. Happy but not. Happy to be able to do more things but also knowing that I'd be happy doing none of it if I was pregnant. It's a strange place to be really. It's another part of this miscarriage process.
I feel very good emotionally. I absolutely believe God has been doing His healing work in my heart. That doesn't mean I'm not still sad or wishful. It just means I'm ready to move onto the next part of my journey. The first 3 or 4 days were the toughest. Then I realized that I didn't want to be like this forever. I had to make the choice to move ahead and pray that my heart and emotions and faith would follow. Act my way into a right feeling rather then feel my way into a right action. Don't mistake that for ignoring my sadness or pretending that everything's a-ok. It is definitely a process but a process that I wanted to move forward in instead of standing still waiting for something to happen.
That's hit me in a lot of areas actually. Sometimes I can just sit and wait for something to happen or wait for me to feel a certain way before I act. But God can't steer a parked car. I must move! That means getting up and working out even if I don't feel like it. It means reading my Bible and praying even if I don't feel like it. He can work in me if I allow Him to. I've seen that first hand especially in these past few weeks. He is able. For sure. So now I'm trying to make changes to get myself where I want to be in many area. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. I've got to stop standing still and start the many processes. It feel never-ending sometimes. I am such a work in progress. I think I'll make myself a sign and wear that around for awhile.
And to finish off my randomness I want to share a letter I've been composing in my mind for a while thanks to my friend Tiff. She cracked me up when she wrote her own letters. I'm sure it's another form of sarcastic therapy that I can readily participate in.
Dear nose:
Thank you for the ability to smell and taste and breathe. Thank you for your hard work holding up my glasses. Without you I'd be a strange looking fellow. However, I'm not sure why you feel the need to dump loads and loads of snot into my life for weeks on end. Now you are red, peeling and sore. Really not a lot of fun for any part of my body thankyouverymuch. And the sneezing! Let's just say people can get really uncomfortable around me thanks to the display you are putting on. If you think you're showing off, well you're not. It's just plain annoying. Please stop.
Sincerely,
the rest of my body
This one is Kate's.
And Kale picked his out by himself.
You may have to click on them to be able to read it but I laughed out loud at the fact that he had looked back at his life (all 7 yrs of it) and reflected on our relationship. The long talks at the kitchen table....I just love him.
I am one blessed momma! 
And Kale picked his out by himself.
You may have to click on them to be able to read it but I laughed out loud at the fact that he had looked back at his life (all 7 yrs of it) and reflected on our relationship. The long talks at the kitchen table....I just love him.
I am one blessed momma! 
