Hello?

Hello.  This is me.  Jill.  Slinking back to my blog that I abandoned 7 months ago.  I didn't set out to abandon it.  It just sort of happened.  Life happened and I stopped blogging about the life that was all consuming.  I have some regrets for stopping and I have some fears about starting again.  For the 3 of you that read this please accept my apologies for being MIA.  My goal is to start writing regularly again.  Part of my reason for this, besides wanting to let my parents know what's happening down here in D-town, is that I joined a writers group a couple months ago and I need to practice writing.  It's something that I think I really enjoy doing but when you haven't done it in forever, you definitely get out of practice.  Like riding a bike.  So I'm getting back on the bike and taking a ride and praying that I can stay on, improve and maybe even say something meaningful!

So let me start with filling you in (briefly!) on the past 7 months.  Since June I have had another lasik surgery to correct my over-corrected right eye (which worked wonderfully and I love being able to see!!), hired new staff, had a birthday and went camping with my love, started all the kids in extra-curricular activities (will share more on that in a moment), went to our denomination's conference in Keystone, Co., stayed an extra few days for vacation with the Palmer side, spoke at our women's retreat about women's identities, started a life group for young adults, went to Denver for a fundraising dinner, did premarital counseling with a couple, went to Golden/Boulder for Thanksgiving, had a crazy 3 weeks of December doing kids programs, women's programs and special services, had our youth pastor step down, hired another one, went back up to Golden/Denver for Christmas and New Years, came back and started a 21 day Daniel fast (only fruits/veggies/beans/nuts), got the flu, took care of Jack who had something nasty and finally got back into school just this past week.  Wow! 

That's not everything of course, but it's a quick overview.

All 3 kids have started extra curricular stuff.  Kale and Jack did Jujitsu for a couple months.  Kale loved it and is still doing it twice a week, Jack was great at it but was bored so we moved him to gymnastics which, so far, he loves.  He's also great at that.  Kate has been doing gymnastics since September and is really excelling and moving through the levels.  Thanks to me, however, she missed this round of classes because I signed her up too late.  Ouch!  She's taking it really well though thankfully!

We spent several weeks doing Occupational Therapy for Kate again.  She was struggling with her SPD and we felt like we needed some extra help.  It was a real blessing and she loved the therapist.  Unfortunately our insurance doesn't cover it so we had to cut it short.  But we got a lot out of it before we had to be done.  

Mark is really thriving in his role as lead pastor.  There are many parts to it that are a struggle for both of us, but God has gracefully surrounded us with amazing people to encourage, support and love us even in our imperfectness.  God is refining us in this role and pouring out tons of vision and hope into Mark for this next season in our church.  New classes.  New beginnings.  New staff.  Everything is new to us! haha!

School, for us, is finally back in session after taking almost a month off for vacation and illness!  All the kids are doing well and even though they don't always enjoy it, they get it done and are able to spend much of the day playing and doing things they love.  I still love to homeschool.  Not every single day but overall I see it as the gift that it is to me and my kids.  

My goals for this year are to learn how to rest and rest well.  
Take time for myself and take care of myself. 
Learn how to do things that I love to do (and frankly discover what that even is!).  
Write more.  
Listen more.  
Read through the Bible.  
Be present.
Print my old blog posts.
Maybe change up how I do this blog.
Upload a couple beautiful family photos that were taken of us this year...stinking blogspot!

Like I said at the beginning of this, I have joined a Christian women's writers group at the encouragement of my husband and another friend. This, by far, is the scariest thing I've done - which is surprising to me since speaking at our women's retreat this past October was nerve-wracking.  But calling myself a writer, actually writing, thinking that I may say something that people may actually want to read in the sea of great writers...terrifying!  But I'm wanting to step out, scare myself a bit, explore this path that God has put me on and see where it goes.  Blogging is going to be a big part of this.  Blogging here as well as my other blog (link in upper right of the page).  So here I go!

Sneaking back onto this page...hoping people will join with me again on this journey of motherhood, marriage and ministry :)

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I hope I have this figured out. All photos taken by one of our favorite photographers (we have a few!) Carol Cardwell. 

Our awesome staff. We have such fun with them! 

A lesson in grace

This morning was a tough morning.  Isn't daylight savings time always a bit rough?! And that it happens on a Sunday is really no picnic either. 

My kids were no exception.  I was dragging them out of bed this morning. Doing my best to cheerfully and lovingly motivate them to eat and get shoes and socks on...like now.  They drug themselves around and whined about the food (or what they perceived as lack there of) and cried that it was so early.  I knew how they felt but we had to get going.  Kale was serving and we needed to get to church. 

We got in the car and waited as one of my children threw a fit in the house.  I decided I didn't need to be around to watch.  It was difficult to leave and wait but they needed their space.  

The fit followed them into the car and for over half of our drive to town, every single nerve of every person in the van was exposed, raw and fried.  I began to pray out loud quietly to myself.  This upset them more but I continued.  I needed God's patience and grace poured out on me at that moment. 

Eventually they stopped and it was like night and day.  They flipped the switch and all was right in the world. 

Except that I wasn't alright.  I felt like a bomb had gone off behind me and I was still reeling from the shrapnel that flew out from it.  The bomb was done but the after effects were still happening. 

We got to church and I was a bit dazed and struggling to get myself together to see people.  At this point one of my kids (the bomb) came up to me and asked for hot chocolate from our coffee cart.  This is actually an unusual request.  They've learned not to ask me for that because I almost always say no.  I don't usually have money nor do I want them to be full of sugar and sent off to kid's church.  But of course today they asked. 

And I stared at them and thought to myself "you've got to be kidding me?! After what just happened this morning you want me to reward you with a treat?!" I'm a firm believer in not rewarding unwanted behavior (to the best of my ability). 

So I asked them 'Do you think you deserve hot chocolate?'

Their lip quivered and they said 'but I said I was sorry.'

And in that moment I realized that I was basing my grace and gifts on their behavior.  God spoke clearly to me and said 'That's not how I operate with you Jill. I don't base my gifts on your behavior. I give you good gifts and you don't always deserve them. I love you so much that I enjoy giving you good things just because.' 

I started to cry.  Right there in the middle of the sanctuary.  It was true.  He doesn't give me what I deserve...and I'm so thankful for that!  I can never earn His love because it can't be bought.  It's been freely given to me.  By grace through faith.  

So I looked at my child, the bomb :), and said 'The truth is you don't deserve hot chocolate. Your behavior this morning wasn't good and you hurt me and your siblings. But I want to extend to you the kind of grace God gives to me and to you.  He loves to give us good gifts even when we don't deserve them.  You may have hot chocolate and I want you to buy some for your siblings. I love you and so does God.'

And I just "happened" to have $5 in my pocket...

I'm not saying that this will always be the case.  I still don't want to reward bad behavior but God showed me today the power of His grace for me and for them. 

I then cried off and on all through first service (very humbling especially because it was borderline ugly cry) as God took the "shrapnel" out and restored me to Him.  It always amazes me how He will use any situation to reveal more of Himself to me if I allow it. 

And because I love testimony I wanted to share two more quick things.  Today during second service one of my kids (who had had a tummy ache this morning) was prayed over by some of their amazing teachers.  They said it was gone right afer they were done praying. This same kid also received their prayer language during that prayer time.  I am seriously loving how, when we bring our children to the Lord's presence, God speaks clearly to them and blesses them. 

Awesome day at church! 

Too Much Stuff

When I was up in Denver I was driving to my parents house on the way home from one of my eye appointments. Near their house is a storage unit facility. The sign out front read "Too much stuff? Store it here. First month's rent is free!" 

My first thought was that I would give stuff away before I had to pay someone to store it for me. If you're moving that's different but I personally don't want to own more stuff then I can keep at my own house. Paying someone to store my junk doesn't make sense to me. And I don't know if you've noticed this or not but these storage facilities are going up everywhere! We live in a culture with so much extra. 

We find ourselves with extra things that need storing. We see the sign "first month free" and we find our solution! 

BUT THEN comes the sneaky part. As soon as that first month is over they start charging your credit card to pay rent on the unit. You see the charge on your card and say to yourself "I've got to go through that storage unit and get rid of stuff and not pay any more rent." 

And you do that for months....

Anyway as I was musing over that The Lord spoke to me and said that that is what we do with our emotional junk. We aren't willing to part with old wounds, aren't willing to forgive, aren't wanting to let things go that we were never meant to carry. And so we store it. And the enemy tempts us and says its okay...the first month is free! 

And it seems like such a good deal so we do it. "I'm mad at so n so and they don't deserve my kindness." We decide to hold onto something. And at first it's fine. No big deal. It's "free". 

Ya see, each of us has our own storage unit full of past hurts, unforgiveness and wounds. And every once in a while we are reminded that we are "paying" for them. Something happens that reminds us of what's in the "storage unit".  And we promise we'll deal with it soon so we don't have to keep on paying that rent. 

And we do that for months....or years...

See where this is going? This next picture might make you chuckle. 

Jesus wants to come in and help you clean out your storage unit. He wants to go through all that stuff that's been packed in there for years.  Sort through what is to keep and what is to dump. And He sticks with you throughout the whole process! It's like Clean Sweep! Remember that show on TLC several years ago?! 

He says in his word that His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  If you are feeling weighed down by the world then maybe it's time to let Jesus into your storage unit and help you clean it out. And stop paying the enemy to store your junk! 

Disciplined Life

God is challenging Mark and I to lead a more disciplined life. A structured life in order to accomplish more, stay focused on His Kingdom assignments and not feel stressed. Last year we just existed. We did what we could when we could. Life happened to us-we did not happen to life. It was very frustrating.

So this year The Lord has led us to 4 areas each, to focus on. To schedule times to focus on them, to be disciplined in following the schedule and to then be successful in accomplishing our Kingdom assignments. 

It's not easy though to be disciplined. Our natural, depraved nature would like to sit back and let things just happen. What I have realized though, is that whatever we decide to not be intentional about, the enemy would gladly be in charge of. Whether its our relationship with God (church/quiet times/prayer), our marriages, our children, our jobs, our homes, our finances, food (weight issues), our friendships, our ministries, rest...it can be exhausting trying to be intentional about all those things. But that is where God wants us. Not exhausted but dependent on Him! 

We are in a battle. A battle to stay on the narrow road of Christ. There is an enemy that is working hard to distract us. I picture driving down a highway going pretty fast (the speed limit of course!) on a trip and its windy. Very windy. It's difficult to keep the car in the road where there are gusts of wind blowing strongly from left to right across the car. It's actually happened to me many times on trips to Denver. I have to grip the wheel, focus on what's ahead (my goal), not be distracted by the shaking car. It can be tiring!

Making sure that the house is kept up, homeschool gets accomplished, dinner gets made, laundry gets done, the husband gets my attention (good and positive, not grumbling or complaining), women's ministry gets planned (bible studies, retreats, breakfasts), exercise is accomplished, eating well happens that day, quiet times are enjoyed, and fun happens is tiring! Especially if the wind (my laziness, tiredness or ability to get distracted with blogging or Facebook or Pinterest...) is howling that day. Staying on the road is hard. But it's worth it. I will arrive at my goal and see all that has been accomplished! And accomplished well! 

If we just drove and drove and drove without rest we're likely to give up out of sheer exhaustion. That's why God wants us to be intentional about rest. So we will push through the challenges knowing that rest is coming soon. We need a day of rest every week. We need periodic vacations that are about spending time as a family away from normal responsibilities. Times to quiet our minds and bodies. To prepare for the next part of the drive. 

Stay on the path set before us. Be disciplined and self-controlled. 

Proverbs 1:2-3

  For attaining wisdom and discipline; for understanding words of insight; for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right, just and fair. 

Proverbs 1:7

   The fear of The Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. (This discipline refers to punishment but I think it's appropriate for self-control discipline as well.)

Proverbs 5:23

   He will does for lack of discipline led astray by his own folly.

The Cost

Have you ever heard 'you get what you pay for?' It's very true often times. I'm a bit of a bargain shopper and when I buy cheap shirts they always seem to get tiny holes in them or when I buy cheap shoes they tend to be uncomfortable or wear out quickly. It frustrates me really. I want to be able to have good quality stuff for cheap. Not really a reality though. 

Mark on the other hand doesn't mind spending money. He has had no problem dropping $100 on a pair of shoes. Or more! I remember when he bought me a pair of Dansko's for my birthday several years ago. I thought I would throw up when I found out how much they were. But I will tell you that I still have those shoes, they are still quite comfy and I still wear them. 3 summers ago I bought a pair of Choco's (nice sandals) for $100. I wear them all summer long. Everyday. Absolutely my favorite pair of sandals. And I will have them forever. Mark is totally changing my perspective on spending more for something that will last. 

You may wonder why I decided to blog about expensive shoes. I really do have a point. This weekend God challenged me with the cost of knowing Him. I have heard plenty of sermons on the cost of discipleship. But I think on Sunday God spoke to me very clearly about the cost. 

I had been praying for more of Him. What does that mean? Well I prayed that our church (and myself) would love Him more, would desire to know Him more, would be willing to serve Him more. This past weekend I experienced God in a deeper way. He spoke powerfully to me. I desire that that continues. 

And He said, do you know what that will cost? Sure I thought. Time.  Perhaps money. And He said yes...and also possibly relationships. There may be people who don't want to follow where you lead. Are you willing to still go? There are people who may not like what you're doing. Will you still do it? There may be folks who resist your teaching. Will you still teach? 

Whoa. It completely stopped me in my tracks as faces of people I love dearly flashed before my minds eye. Am I willing? Am I willing to do, go and teach what God says even if it costs me? 

Abraham was. Noah was. Moses was. David was. Esther was. Elijah was. Isaiah was. Daniel was. Jesus was. Paul was. Peter was. James and John were. 

God is certainly worth it. He is worth my all. I prayed against fear of man and fear of failure. I prayed that he would make me bold and obedient and courageous. 

I will get what I pay for with my relationship with God. I can have a little or I can have it all. I can pay a little or I can pay it all. 

He paid it all for me. He must think I am worth it. 

So Much

I realized as I opened up Blogger that I missed March completely.  Wow.  Awesome.  So very many things have been happening in my life and in my heart it's been a process of digesting and learning from it all.  I have not had a burning desire to blog....until this morning.  So here I am.  I'm not here to update you on our family life (which is going well - more updates on that will come....I think) but to share one of the many priceless gems God has graciously given me.

Three weeks ago I went on a retreat-type trip called HeartQuest.  It was here that I was unplugged and had no distractions and got to hear [clearly] God whispering to my thirsty heart.  He changed me.  And subsequently changed my life.  It wasn't just a quick revelation and move on.  It was a deeper revelation and understanding and healing.  Something I have felt so powerless in the past to do.  I had no frame of reference for what I desired in my heart.  I needed more of Him.  I got it.  He was/is faithful.  And gentle.  And kind.  And loving.  He ministered to my hurts and my fears and did so with love, with laughter, with peace.  I am forever changed.

Before I left I had been praying and looking for my rain to come.  In the OT Elijah had prayed (as God had told him to) for the rain to stop.  It did.  For 3 years.  But then Elijah prayed for the rain to come again.  He knelt on a mountain top and prayed fervently for God to send the rains again and drench the earth.  He looked up and didn't see the cloud.  So he prayed again.  Looked again - no cloud.  Prayed again.  This happened 7 times.  Then a cloud the size of a man's fist was visible in the sky.  Immediately Elijah jumped up to warn of the coming rain (remember it hadn't rained in 3 years).  He was so confident that God was coming he didn't wait for the rain - he saw the cloud and knew!  I had been praying and believing for my cloud and it came.  And He poured out into me!  Like a fire hose!  I'm still dripping wet!

So, the reason for my burning desire to blog...today I read James 1.  I studied this same book before my HQ in a Beth Moore Bible study back in February and it was wonderful.  But now I have new eyes.  I couldn't wait to see what Holy Spirit would show me with my new eyes and my clear and free heart.

It didn't take long.  I stopped and was brought back to verse 2 (told you I didn't get far).  I even laughed and questioned why I would stop there.  But I trusted and explored.  The words "consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds" kept standing out to me.  I believe God wanted to show me, anew, what this means for me now and how He has changed my perspective. 

Here's a bit of what I wrote down.  Trials are what help refine my faith.  They reveal to me what God wants to heal in me.  What fears or wounds need His presence.  For example, a week after I got back from my trip I battled in my mind something very powerful.  I have felt invisible. Like no one really sees what I do at home, with our house, with our kids, behind the scenes.  I hear complaints (mostly from my kids of course).  I wondered if it really mattered.  If what I was doing at home - laundry, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, homeschooling etc...- was actually making a difference.  It's mundane.  Boring at times.  Feels unimportant. 

On this day in particular I faced some events that just confirmed (in my mind) what I was feeling.  Immediately I knew it was a lie and was reminded that I was different.  But I didn't know how to battle it.  And battle I did.  In my head!  It was overwhelming emotionally.  I asked God to show me why I felt this way and how to fight it off.  He spoke so gently to me and said 'you want to know that all you do matters. That you matter. You want to hear a good job every once in a while.  The problem is that you expect your kids and your husband to do that.  They can't be that for you.  I can.  I see.  I know.  I care and it matters to me.  Let that be your recognition and praise.'

I stopped almost instantly and began meditating on the fact that He sees.  He knows.  He cares.  It matters to Him.  And I was changed. He revealed Himself to me as El Roi - the God Who Sees.  He met me in my battle - because I invited Him in - and He revealed Himself to me.  And I considered it pure joy!!

I got it!  The joy of the trial is in knowing Him more intimately.  More beautifully than before.  The joy is being set free!  Healed from wounds!  And my friends, I have experienced a joy unspeakable.  He came in to my heart, cleaned house, and I never want to go back to that messy place again.  I want to clean up the messes as they come and continue to experience His great joy even in the midst of sorrow and struggle.

Romans 5:3-4 says (and I paraphrase) that the trials and suffering eventually produce hope.  And hope doesn't disappoint because God poured out His love into us by His Holy Spirit - His gift to us.  Hope and Holy Spirit are precious gifts and the Bible says that trials produce more of that so then, I will consider it joy!

Then in 1 Peter 5:3-4 it says that these trials have come so my faith - which is worth far more that gold! - may be genuine and bring God glory.  Bring. God. Glory.  My heart's desire.  I consider it joy!  Even as I type these words I'm overwhelmed with the joy in my heart.

He's used my trials to reveal to me my hurts and wounds and His character and nature.  I've been studying the names of God (ever since El Roi) so I could know and proclaim Who He is more and more.  He's shown me He's Almighty God, All-Sufficient One, Lord, God Most High, the Great I AM.  I'm blown away time and again as I see the hugeness of my God!  I can trust Him.  I can follow Him.  I can depend on Him.  Nothing gets by Him.  I'm not even kidding when I say it's a level of freedom that I have not experienced before in my life.  Everything within me says don't lose it!

And this isn't the end of my story.  Only the beginning.  I pray that in whatever trials you are going through that you invite into them the Almighty God who wants to show you His love, His protection, His goodness and kindness, His faithfulness, His provision, His healing....

Shalom!

A bit more politics and then I'm done - I promise

From my facebook post yesterday:
-- Jesus' platform was freedom wrapped in humility, service and love. Unfortunately our system is dominated by pride and selfishness. Not everyone mind you, but it is dominated by that attitude. Until we humble ourselves and submit to the One, I fear we will continue on our current path no matter who is president. --

I've been thinking a lot about how our world tries to meet physical needs.  We have countless programs in our country helping all different kinds of people in all different kinds of situations.  And I'm thankful for that.  We need the help!  But I'm also reminded that meeting someone's physical needs provides a temporary fix.  Introducing them to the One who can meet all their spiritual needs can change their eternity as well as their future and the futures of others around them.  It's has an even greater effect on the world.

Yesterday I attended a VOA (Volunteers of America) luncheon.  It was a great time to hear how they are helping people in our community with a safe place to live (they run the community shelter as well as the women's safe house), food, education, job help, clothing and more.  What a blessing it is to have that available in our community.  They had a couple people share unbelievable testimonies of how the VOA has changed their lives.  It was wonderful to be a part of.  One woman shared how she had been abused for 20 years by her husband.  She finally had the courage to leave, divorce him, and move into a house away from him.  She had a male roommate who helped her pay bills.  He raped her and as a result she is pregnant.  This woman has a 20 year old son and a 12 year old daughter.  She decided to keep the baby and views them as a gift from God.  What courage this woman displays!  She found the safe house and has been helped to get her life together.  She is even considering going back to school.  I was blown away by her testimony.  A man also spoke about his struggle with an alcohol addiction and feeling helpless to change.  He and his pregnant girlfriend found the shelter and have found jobs and stability and he proposed right there at the luncheon!  So sweet! 

I was also reminded, though, that the church should have a bigger part (or even the biggest!) in helping people in need.  I'm not saying we start our own shelter, there's no need to reinvent something that is being done well, but we, as the church, can volunteer with the VOA or other organizations and not only help to meet people's needs but we can bring the love of Christ to brokenness.  It's our purpose.  To be the hands and feet of Christ.  Veterans, abused women and children, homeless, alcoholics, drug addicts, families who are one paycheck from living on the streets, folks who are struggling to find work, single moms, single dads...the list can go on and on.

I think the church is being called to the carpet.  For too long we have relied on the government to meet the needs of these people (and us!).  We have given up our responsibility to share ourselves, our time, our resources, our Christ.  And because of that our country relies fully on our government to meet our needs.  And because of that our country is divided on how that should be done.  We need to take responsibility for our inaction and we need to change.  The moral decline in our country isn't due to more bad things happening, I think it has a lot to do with Christians who are either silent or have spoken loudly out of judgement and condemnation.  I still love Christians!  I just think the enemy has us focused on "issues" instead of on showing the love of Christ.  Many of us get caught up on our "cause" rather than living out our purpose.  And our purpose is to love God and love others.  If we keep it simple it will be simple!

Change in our country starts with each of us.  Giving of our time, our talents, our resources and most importantly our faith.  Something to consider.

Election thoughts - Cause you know I have 'em!

I've been silent this year when it's come to politics.  Especially compared to the last election!  Mainly because I haven't been blogging much but also because I've seen mean and hurtful comments coming from both sides of the aisle and it turned me so off to posting anything (although I refuse to be mean and hurtful).  But today, the day after this big election that has inundated our lives, our TVs, our radios and newspapers for over a year, I have a thought to share.

I am a Republican.  No secret there.  I vote Republican, not because I dislike Democrats, but because I agree with much of what Republicans stand for.  Notice I said much - not all.  There are also many things that I like and respect about the Democratic platform (just more that I disagree with in the end).  And as an American I am proud to be able to vote and will exercise that right for as long as I have it.

That being said, I was disappointed in the outcome of yet another election.  Obama isn't a horrible person but I don't trust him, nor do I like his politics.  But it was even more than just "my guy didn't win".  I felt like it was okay but not...Hard to explain I know. Today a friend suggested something to me that made so much sense in my spirit.  It was like I needed the words for my thoughts and there they were. 

I think if Romney had won the election, Republican Christians may have thought "Okay good.  The right guy won.  We don't have to worry anymore."  (And many Democrat Christians may be right now thinking the exact same thing) And just like that we would have trusted and put our hope of our future into the hands of a man rather than God.  Something a man does not ever deserve.  Even a good one.  

As Christians, no matter who you voted for, we are called to turn to God, not politics or government, to solve our problems.  Our government can sometimes provide temporary solutions but nothing they do - no matter Republican or Democrat - will give us eternal solutions.  They are incapable of bringing about lasting change in the hearts of Americans.  They are incapable of solving our lust for power or money.  They are incapable of repairing the damage done to families and communities because of sin.  They are incapable of taking care of the sick in spirit.  They are incapable of turning this nation towards God in 4 short years (or 8!).

Those responsibilities are up to God and therefore up to His followers.  We are responsible to be the hands and feet of THE God who is very capable of changing the hearts of Americans and the world!  He is more than capable to heal our lust for power and money.  He is more than capable of repairing damage done to families and communities because of sin.  He is the prescription for sin.  The only One who can heal us and turn our hearts towards Him.  And we, as Christians, are called to submit to authority, to love God and love others, to repent and remember that God is who we put our hope and trust in and not a government.

I certainly am not saying don't care about politics and give up.  Not at all.  But what I am saying is that the president has been elected.  No matter how you feel about it it's done. Now lets get to our purpose of loving God and loving people!

I think we have an opportunity to remember to be in prayer for our country and our world.  I think we have an opportunity to stop relying on our government for answers and begin to look to ourselves as the hands and feet of Christ and see REAL hope and change.  For eternity!

Embrace the Grace

I'm back.  Don't get too excited...I'm not sure how long the next gap will be.

I've been busy learning some life lessons.  Like how to embrace the grace.  Ya see, I've been overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed with just the busyness of life. Something I mention often when I blog.  But it got to me.  My mind was overloaded trying to sort through the next couple weeks, the next couple months.  Too much was in there that I was trying to juggle and I wasn't doing such a great job with it all.

So God is using it to teach me lessons.  Doesn't He always?  If we let Him?

I am learning that His grace is sufficient for today.  His grace no longer exists in the past so don't dwell there.  It is not in the future so don't dwell there either.  Yes, we can plan.  But if we are constantly thinking about ways it's all gonna work together or how we're going to survive it, it brings us down.  Or it brings me down.  My future life doesn't look to be slowing down till....January.  But that isn't the whole truth.  It's how it looks in my head but God knows better than me about all of it. 

I need to trust Him.  Embrace the grace for today.  Live in the now.  Not worry about the future.  His grace will be there when I get there.  I cannot dwell in a place where there is no grace.  (BTW I spoke on this very thing at our last women's breakfast this past Saturday hence all the rhyming)

So, in light of the fact that I am, in fact, embracing the grace, I won't beat myself up that I haven't shared since the 2nd of July. And that I missed sharing stories about the 4th of July parade,

Kale getting 3 stitches after cutting his head on a ceiling fan that hung over a bunkbed he was climbing on (no he is not 9ft tall...),

Kate learning how to put rubberbands in her hair all by herself.  I think this is the record so far. 7!

 The kids and I playing at the Children's Museum while Mishka got groomed for the first time since we've had him.  This blowing machine was their favorite by far!

 I won't dwell on the fact that I haven't shared all the stories I'd like to.  Instead I'm taking this extra moment that I have while Mark is in CA at school for a week (he's starting a 2 yr Master's program) to embrace God's grace for me today, blog for a few minutes and share yet another thing I found on Pinterest (oh goodness help me!) [And Kristin, I have actually made and done many things on Pinterest -- thanks for inspiring me to join :)]

Just Listen

 Never underestimate the power of listening.

I've not been known in my life as a good listener.  No one has actually come out and told me this...I just know.  I'm usually thinking about the next thing I'm going to say instead of truly listening to what is being spoken.  Or else I'm just talking and talking.  I'm a good talker :)

But God.  He has been reminding me over and over about the power of listening.  A couple years ago I felt like I needed to hear more Truth about this very thing.  I looked up scripture and found a few that have sat in my bathroom and I've read over and over again, daily.  I believe the Truths are starting to sink in.

Several of the scriptures relate to me listening to God.

John 1:27 - My sheep listen to my voice...

James 1:22 - Do not merely listen to to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.

Others remind me that wisdom comes from listening.

Pr 1:5 - let the wise listen and add to their learning...

Pr 12:15 - The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.

Pr 19:27 - Stop listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.

To listen means to humble ourselves. 

To listen means that we want to learn and grow and change.  

To listen means we desire knowledge and wisdom.

And when it comes to listening to people...

James 1:19 - Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Listening to others brings value to them.  It shows that you care.  That you value what they are sharing.  That you aren't just thinking of yourself. 

 To listen is to build relationship and trust.

I've thought about how listening affects my relationship with Mark.  He's a great listener.  I love talking with him because I feel respected and valued and loved.  I want him to feel the same.  To know that I care about what he says.  Even if I disagree.

Listening to my children does the same.  To have them know that it matters to me that they are sad or mad or scared or hurt or confused or frustrated.  Instead of just fixing the problem I need to be proactive in listening.

I will do the same for friends.  At least that is my prayer.  That they know that I care, that it matters, that they matter.  I have had conversations where I feel like a person hasn't heard a stinkin word I've sad.  Truly it just made me not want to share again.  They have been more concerned about what they want to say then listening to me.  I don't like the feeling.  I don't want others to feel like that around me.

People are important to me.  Relationships are important to me.  

I want to

Just Listen.

Believes All Things

 I was reading through 1 Corinthians the other day and the middle of chapter 13 stood out.

"[love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" 1 Cor. 13 7 NASB

Love believes all things?  What does that mean?

As Jesus is my perfect example I look to Him to show me what it means to believe all things.  To hope all things...I was reminded of His betrayal.

Jesus knew that Judas was the one who was going to betray Him with 30 pieces of silver and yet Jesus trusted him with the money.  Whoa!  Jesus believed the best of Judas even though he knew what he was going to do.  Jesus believed all things.  He hoped.  I'm pretty sure I would've said 'Hey Peter you handle the money.  I know I can trust you with it.'  Judas?  Not so much.

Jesus trusts us with His name.  Christ-followers.  Boy have we blown that.  Yet He still believes in us, hopes for us, endures for us....He doesn't take away His name.  He doesn't go back on His promises to us.  Amazing!

Can I do that?  Do I do that?  Do I look for the best in people even when the worst is what screams the loudest?  Believing the best is hard.  Especially when we've been hurt or betrayed.  But that is perfect love isn't it?  To not look for trouble but to look for the best?  To not be fearful of what people can, and may very well, do to us but to believe in them.  To love them.  To reach out to others no matter what.  Even if it means getting hurt.  Love endures all things....

I'm not saying that this requires us to blindly trust everyone and give out our social security number to anyone who asks :)  But I'm challenged to believe in people.  Believe in what they can be through the transforming love of Christ.  What a different way of looking at love!

A Powerful Word

(all images from Google)

The other day I was asked by a friend

What is hope?

I thought about it for a while and this is the answer I gave her. I hope (hehe) that it sheds some light for someone on this very powerful 4-letter word.

The definition of HOPE is to expect with confidence.

HOPE is powerful. I watched a movie a while ago about WW2. A village of Jewish people were being held prisoner by Nazi’s. They had no idea what was going on outside of their prison and they began to lose hope that the war would ever end. People were killing themselves, giving up on living because they had nothing to live for in their existence as they saw it. One day a guy overheard something on the radio about the allied forces coming soon. He shared it with the people and everything changed. They realized they could endure this hardship because a better life was coming. Soon. Sometime. They didn’t know the exact timeline but they had HOPE that it was coming. Their circumstances didn't change but their perspective did. They had HOPE.

Interesting that when I googled hope, pictures of Obama came up. We can be let down when we hope in people (any politician, our friends, spouse etc) or hope in circumstances (economy, jobs, situations etc). There is only one HOPE that is perfect and will never let us down.

Jesus is our HOPE. He conquered death so that we may have HOPE eternal. At the end of every scenario, no matter how bad, Jesus is there. He never leaves us. In Him there is no death! No end. That’s HOPE. That no matter the circumstances in my life and how they may change, He is unchangeable, unmovable and always faithful.

HOPE is saying that tomorrow can be better than today and next week can be better than this week. HOPE is saying God’s plan for me is something I can trust in and even if it doesn’t make sense now, His promises are true and He will never leave me and He wants the best for me. No. Matter. What. Life doesn’t always make sense. We are never promised that it would. But knowing Jesus gives us HOPE in the future. He tells us that someday there will be no more sin, no more tears, no more pain. It’s worth waiting for and enduring the hardships now because in the end it WILL be good. No matter how long we wait.

I think we all battle with hopelessness. We don't think that our situation will ever change. We lose HOPE. That's why we must remember the promises of God. They bring us HOPE again. They help us to look to the future (next week, next month, next year, eternity).

We can expect with confidence that Jesus is now taking care, and always will take care, of us and that all things work together for good for those whose HOPE is in the Lord.

Things I Love

I love that God loves me patiently and kindly. He is not envious or boastful or proud. He does not dishonor me. He is not in this relationship for Himself. He is not easily angered and He does not hold my past failures against me. He rejoices in the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. He NEVER fails me.

I have a long way to go to love others this way but I'm gonna keep trying.

I love Mark.

I love Kale.

I love Kate.

I love Jack.

I love my extended family. Parents, siblings, in-laws, nieces and nephew, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents...

I am rich. I am blessed.

And I am thankful.

20 Things I know

1. This week was unusually tough
2. This is the new Lite Brite (a Christmas present Kale got this year). I totally had a Lite Brite growing up.
3. Snow is fun to play in every once in a while
4. Revelation from God is sometimes tough and at the same time freeing (much more on that in a later post)
   
5. Shopping at City Market - while they by far, have the best produce - is horrendous with my three small children and I do not think that I will be driving a car cart through their ridiculously small aisles, dropping yogurt (and having it explode over and aisle and having to find a nice young man [look at me calling a twenty something guy a nice young man...] to come clean up after me) and begging my kids to please stop singing at the top of their lungs anytime soon. Done and done.
6. Learning how to coupon and save money is overwhelming.
7. Balancing my check book is overwhelming.
8. In my last post I said there were 5 fish and 2 loaves and it's actually 5 loaves and 2 fish. Awesome.
9. This month is already overbooked and I don't like it. Somehow I have to plan a party for my almost 8 year old and do it stat!
10. We are having dinner tomorrow with our district superintendent.
11. I don't think that I fully understand the love of God and what that means for me and my life.
12. Waking up 45 minutes after you fell asleep to a screaming 3 yr old who can't open the door to let himself out of his room to go pee is not a fun way to wake up. Heart be still.
13. Trying to get my husband to read a book that has blown my mind is challenging. (by the way - I highly recommend 7 by Jen Hatmaker)
14. Fasting for one day from facebook, blogs, words with friends etc. was awesome, hard, wonderful and convicting. Hard to admit addictions...
15. My dog sheds a lot and I've got to get better at brushing him daily!
16. In the next 3 months while I am also working we have: 3 birthdays (Kale, Kate and Mark), an anniversary (our 12th), the Daddy Daughter Dance, a baby shower, a women's breakfast, my niece Lilah's 1st birthday, 3 book clubs, lunch with friends, a few early morning coffees with friends, dinner with friends, small group, a fundraiser banquet, a parenting conference, life and school. Whew! One day at a time people.
17. I need to purge my house.
18. I need to purge my clothes.
19. It's been too long since I've spoken with my family.
20. Fun on Friday is basically about shoveling and playing in the snow, drinking hot chocolate, blogging, playing games and being family. I need a break from swimming!
    

Rich?

If you would've asked me a year ago, probably even 6 months ago, if we were rich I would've laughed in your face! {not a mean laugh though...I promise} Because I don't consider us rich. Rich is expensive cars, fancy dining with 3 forks at every meal, yachts, exotic vacations, private school, paying more taxes then we make in 10 years of salary, really big houses, people who aren't related to you cleaning those big houses...Nope. That's not us.

But then I was hit in the face {not literally thankfully} with this:

Being rich means having enough.

Enough food.
Enough clean water.
Enough clothes to keep you from being naked.
Enough house to keep you dry and warm.
Enough.

Because being poor means going hungry, trekking 5 miles each direction to get water, wearing the same clothes for a year or more, living in a humble place with barely walls and a roof or nothing at all. I won't even mention indoor plumbing, electricity, appliances, cars etc...

Do I have enough?
Definitely.
Therefore am I rich?
Definitely.

I believe that this is only the beginning of what God wants to do in my heart and in my life. I have two books on my horizon to read. One that I started already and one that is next. Both of them deal, somewhat or totally, with excess (meaning after you've had enough water, food, clothes to keep you from being naked, house etc...the leftover money) in our lives. Coincidence? I think not.

I'm terrified and excited at the same time. Terrified at how much I have given in to materialism and what that means and excited to be set free from too much. I already know that a lot of my stress comes from having too many toys to pick up. Too many clothes to wash, dry and put away. Too many things to do to keep my house in order. What if it was more simple than that?

I'm not suggesting that God wants me to give everything away and live in a tent in the woods but maybe He's beginning to show me how bogged down I am by the things of this world and how I can experience more freedom in Him by releasing it, giving it away, down-sizing. Who knows?

All I know is that something has been stirred up in me and I have no doubt that it will not go away until God peels away this part of me. To free me up to serve Him, to minister to my husband and children, to minister and love others.

I already warned Mark that as I read there will be conversations. Definitely not mandates but that's how I process. Talk it out. Who knows where God will take this. And now I'm warning you :) I'm sure there will be posts journaling my experience and conviction.

Painful? Probably a bit. But from what I know about God, it will be worth every single moment.

*sigh* I'm ready Lord!
(I think)

What's Up?

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Afternoon update:
I realized (after I published this) that I have yet to mention another wonderful thing that happened. My sister, Kelly, got engaged! She and Carson will be married on June 9th in the Golden area. That's 2 weddings this summer! My brother's is August 18th. So we will be spending uber amounts of time in the Denver area with family and I couldn't be more thrilled. Wow!
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A few things actually....

Mark finished the long application for the pastor position. It was only 10 questions long but each question had roughly 10 parts. And they aren't like "how old are you?". They were more like "Tell of a time you had conflict in ministry. What happened and how did you handle it." Every question was one he had to think about and write short answers too. It took him a few weeks to work through all the questions and he finally finished a couple days ago. The next step is a formal interview that he will have next week with our regional guy and the district guy. I think he's just excited to move forward in another step. We are both fully at peace with whatever happens. There are moments when I'd love for him to be senior pastor. Moments where it thrills me and I get overwhelmed with ideas and visions. Then I have moments of "no way could we do this!". Moments of being overwhelmed with the responsibility and leadership requirements. I suppose, in the end, that's a great thing. If I felt like we were ready under our own power then we'd be terrible pastors. Being a pastor (even now) means relying on Jesus for strength and direction and encouragement. We have been told it will be a miracle if we get this job and I say that's the only way I'd ever want to do it. If God ordains it, then let it be so. If not, then we'll love and submit to the next pastor and enjoy God's plan. So that's where we're at with that. The superintendent (the big main dude in our district) will be here over Super Bowl weekend and he will speak at our church and most likely do another interview with Mark and with Steve.

I've had a crazy, busy ministry time in the past few days. I spoke about marriage at our local MOPS group (mother's of preschoolers) on Tuesday. I am certainly no expert on marriage. Only been married almost 12 years (next month). But God has shown me that all He requires is that I love Him and then share with others what He's done in my life. I don't tell people how to have good marriages or be great parents or be a good leader. I only tell them what God has done in me and hopefully it'll minister to them because I am far from great in all of those areas but God has done amazing things in my life and changed me in so many areas! I love bragging on God!

I also decided to step out and continue in women's ministry in the interim. I have a heart for it and have felt like God was leading me to do this, so I am. We had a planning meeting on Tuesday evening to start the process of what women's ministry looks like in this in between period. I'm super excited for the future of this. Lots of hopes and dreams but also lots of waiting for more direction.

I also started back working for the CPA that I have worked for the last 2 tax seasons. It's a nice part-time, evening job that brings in a little extra dinero that we appreciate. It's also exhausting because it certainly isn't a job I can mindlessly do after a long day with my children. It's one that requires my attention and focus the entire time. It wipes me out! So I'm praying for more strength and focus for the next few crazy, insane months.

And lastly, but certainly not leastly....I'm an aunt again! 3rd one this year baby! My brother-in-law, Chad, and his wife, Alisha, had their baby girl Tuesday afternoon. Her name is Alannah Joy and she was a mere 5 pounds! I so can't wait to figure out how to get up to Denver in the next month or so and love on that cutie pie! I'll post pictures when I get some more!

And now I'm off to clean up the kitchen from breakfast and start school with the kids...and rely on God for perseverance, patience and the ability to get everything done today!