It's a fight!

I'm not sure who all reads this blog. I'm not sure what season you are in life. So I'm not sure that this blog will make sense to you. But I hope you will be able to identify with at least something I write today.

I've been somewhat blah lately. Nothing bad happening but nothing really great happening either. I recently went to an all-day workshop about master-planning your life. It was a great time with lots of great information but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely overwhelmed. I mean they asked me questions like "What do you love to do?" "What could you do for hours and not even know it was hours?" That may seem easy for some of you to answer but I really didn't know.

I also had to self-evaluate. I realized it's much easier for me to evaluate others than it is to evaluate myself. Especially in the few moments we had each time. I tend to waaaay over-think things. Shocking I know :)

I did learn some stuff about myself but really it just brought up more questions!

So I've been thinking. Thinking about my life now and my life in the future. Thinking about what is my God-given, God-directed and God-breathed purpose? It's very easy to get lost in outside labels along the road of life. It's easy [for me of course] to become Mark's wife and Kale, Kate and Jack's mom. And while I love those roles and believe this is where I'm supposed to be I can't help but wonder if there's more for me to be doing?

I've slowly been coming to the conclusion that while the answer is yes it is also wait. I think that God has more plans for me. He certainly isn't done with me yet. But at this moment I'm preparing for them. How is he preparing me? Seems like diapers, cooking meals, doing laundry and cleaning house won't prepare me for much but I also see things like patience, grace, wisdom, clarity and reliance on Him coming out of my day to day experiences.

So what does this have to do with fighting? I'll tell you. {By the way, I don't battle all of these everyday. But I have battled all of these at least once if not more than once.}

Everyday is a fight to stay in the game.

I fight to stay involved and not check out.

I fight to stay focused and not distracted.

I fight the lies that say I'm not a good enough mom or wife.

I fight the lies that say I'm fat, lazy and not creative.

I fight to get up in the mornings and not sleep in.

I fight the urge to fight my husband over dumb things.

I fight sarcasm that creeps in when I've told my children the same thing for the hundredth time.

I fight to make it through everyday with a positive and thankful attitude.

I fight the urge to just quit and throw in the towel.

I fight the overwhelming feeling that I'm not really making a difference.

I fight the helplessness I feel when it doesn't seem like my children are "getting it".

I fight the urge to crawl into a closet and hide from everything.

I fight the urge to let my emotions rule me.

I fight to let God's voice be the loudest one I hear everyday.

I fight for God's truth to guide and direct my steps.

I fight for God's word to be in my heart.

I fight for God's voice, truth and word to be in my children's hearts and minds.

I fight everyday. And I will continue to fight.

Some days I win. Some days I lose. I think we are fooling ourselves if we don't realize that we have to fight for what is important. There are days when I feel too tired to fight. Days where I feel so beat up from the fighting. I think to myself - I just fought this battle yesterday! Can't I get a break? But then I think, it's important to keep fighting. To persevere. To go after God's plan and purpose for me and to not just sit back and let life take over me.

So I pray....God help me to fight the good fight, to win the race, to persevere.

And He says...I will fight alongside you.

"...the Lord your God fights for you, just as He promised." Joshua 24:11b

Amen.

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for spiritual life lessons. I want to share the cool life lessons God showed me through the craziness of storms this last week. Our pastor prayed something on Sunday that got me thinking, yet again, of how things in the natural represent the supernatural. So cool to see it again!

I learned that the storms of life may come once in a while or they may come one right after another. Either way, they will come. They have to. They come to make us stronger, to help our roots grow deeper, and to have an appreciation for life.

God is like my house {although much more reliable :)}. He is a safe refuge in the midst of storms. A shelter. My protection from from the wind and the cold. A place to rest, refresh and prepare myself to face the damage.

Shoveling, yes shoveling, is cleaning up after the storm. I can choose to sit in my house and not deal with what the storm has left and as a result wind up being stuck much longer then I should, OR I can grab my shovel, head outside and fight back. Refuse to be stuck. Fight back against the storms of life. Make a way to move forward. It's hard. It's exhausting. But the results make me feel proud. Like I've accomplished something. And I know I am stronger because of it.

I have learned that there are friends, that in the midst of our storms, will be there to help in the digging out process. Friends who are willing to work along side you, to call you, to pray for you, to sympathize with you. Thank God for those friends.

I've learned that the snow will melt, the storms will pass. It may be quick or it may take time, but it will get better. The snow will melt, spring will come, life will move on. And through it all God has a plan. A plan greater than I can imagine. A plan that includes these storms. And I know, and trust, that He will walk with me and be with me, and you, throughout every storm of life. Big or small. He cares.

Oh how He loves us. I am so very thankful.

January 3, 2010

I know I've been MIA for the past 2 weeks. It's an unusual thing for me. I've got lots of explaining to do - and blogging - and I will. Tomorrow. But for today, my first official post of 2010, I have to blog about the most wonderful event of this year. And I can guarantee that pretty much nothing will top this for the rest of the year. Yes I know it's only the 11th day of the year, but really, this is awesome.

My son, Kale, my 5-almost- 6-year old gave his heart to Jesus on January 3rd! I couldn't be more thrilled! It's a neat story.If you know Kale, or have even read some of my blogs about him, you'd know he's a thinker. To. The. Max. He questions everything! And his questions amaze me. And yes, sometimes stump me. He's always asking questions. As we've been reading through the Old Testament with school he's asked lots of questions about God and His love for us and His forgiveness. He's always asking if people on TV know God. He wants to know if his aunts and uncles and grandparents know God. He wants to know about baptism and heaven. His questions are endless. And it's ok. I love it. (most of the time)

So I prayed that when he wanted to give his heart to Jesus that he would ask about it. On his own. Not during a conversation we were already having about it. I wanted it to be all him. All his idea. Not mine or Mark's or anyone else's. I wanted Kale to want to have Jesus as his Savior all on his own. And God answered my prayer.

On Sunday night the 3rd, we were watching their Christmas program up at Mark's parents house. At the end of the program our awesome children's pastor, Jen, talks to a bunch of kids {who, incidentally, are picking their noses, flicking reindeer ears, and generally bored --- poor Jen} about how God sent his son as a baby to us. To save us.

At the end of watching the program, Kale, who was sitting on Mark's lap, turns to Mark and says "I want to give Jesus my heart. Right now."

Mark said are you sure? Yes! Kale says. So they go into another room and Mark explains what it means and makes sure Kale knows what he's doing. He does. He's asked lots of questions about it. So they pray together for Jesus to live in Kale's heart (his soul heart Kale would say) and be his Savior. Then they hug. And Kale responds with "Careful dad, I don't want to squish Jesus!"

Then he comes running back in the room and tells everyone that he gave Jesus his heart! It was so wonderful! I couldn't be any happier!

He's told lots of people. Dorothy the Great - Mark's grandma - called soon after and he was dying to tell her. She sweetly said that she was going to pray that he loved and served Jesus all his life. Then Kale asks her if she's given Jesus her heart. She said yes when she was a little girl. Kale was good with that.

He's told people, including his Sunday school class. In fact, yesterday in class, he made some bad choices and got sent to time out. While in time out his wonderful teacher came over and talked to him about his behavior. Kale says to her "I don't understand why this is happening to me. I gave Jesus my heart. I'm not supposed to get in trouble." Love him.

She patiently explained that giving Jesus our heart doesn't mean we still don't make bad choices sometimes. He forgives us everytime and helps us make better choices in the future. We still mess up though and He still forgives. It's a process.

As I heard about it yesterday I just thought what a sweet, beautiful, innocent child. Wanting Jesus to stop him from making bad choices. Kale my love, we all do. How I wish that giving Jesus my heart meant that I lived a perfect life from then on out. But sadly, I'm still selfish, impatient, prideful, jealous, and a host of other things. It doesn't mean God hasn't changed my life from the inside out. He has. Totally. But I still battle the yucky things inside. God continues, faithfully, to clean out the yuck and fill me up with His goodness, grace, mercy and joy.

My prayer for my awesome son, (tears totally welling now) is that he will follow and live for Jesus all his life. That he will know that even though he will still make bad choices, God will always love him no matter what. I pray that he never gives up even when it's hard. I pray that he will grow each day to know Jesus better and better and that he will not be shaken when hard things happen. I pray he will build his life and his future on the Rock not on sinking sand. I pray he will lead many, many others to the giver of life abundantly. I pray for his boldness to never end. To continue to ask questions of everything and always look to Christ for his answers. I pray for this little man of God to become an awesome man-warrior for him.

Kale, I'm so proud of you. I'm so thankful that Jesus is in your heart and I'm so thankful that we will live together in eternity with Him. (tears totally spilling down my face now...) I love you!