Good Intentions

The road is paved with them.

Every day I wake up fresh and renewed and with the best intentions of having a good mom day. Ya know, the day that consists of paying close and careful attention to my children, being patient and loving even in discipline, fixing lovely meals that are healthy and delicious, educating them with enthusiasm and creativeness, cleaning and decluttering the house so that it looks and feels wonderful so that when Mark comes home (to an unbelievable dinner) he will be so happy and helpful and we'll just have a swell evening.

Ya know, those kinds of days.

As I write it all out I realize how ridiculous it sounds. How unrealistic it is. And honestly I don't expect perfection (whatever that might be) but I do expect to try and to do better than I did yesterday. But it just feels like life takes over and I go downhill.

For example, I get a call, a text, an email. (not that there's anything wrong with that or with the people who do that - but I let it distract me from what I'm doing at that moment). It derails me. It derails my kids. Then they go off doing whatever they want while I answer my call/text/email and it's sooooo hard to get back on track!

One thing leads to another and then I feel like I'm drowning in bad-momminess (I don't care if that isn't a word, it's how it feels).

I look around the house and the kids have taken over. How did that happen? Wasn't I just watching them 10 minutes ago? And how did it get to be past naptime? And why do I have to fight harder to get them down?

I look around and see more laundry to fold and more stinking pet hair than I ever thought possible. {By the way, I swear I clean up enough pet hair every day to cover a chihuahua. Too bad locks of love doesn't take pet hair and make wigs for poor hairless chihuahuas. I'd be their biggest donor!}

The toys are spilling over the toy box. The sink is full of [clean] dishes that need to be put away. A giant Dora tent is set up in the living/school room. The laundry room had winter clothes throw up in there (thanks to a quick trip outside which did not last nearly as long as I'd have liked). The school table is overflowing with text books and papers [thankfully school has been accomplished for the day]. A grocery list must be written. Clothes must be folded (once I get the pet hair off the couch...). The floor really must be vacuumed and swept because heaven help us if we drop anything on it -- it will be covered in hair!!

And then I blog about it. Like that really helps me catch up...

*sigh*

I really tried today. Ah well. Good intentions. Thankful for do-overs.

Adventures in Mommyland

When you become a mom of children who can talk, your whole world changes yet again. They start saying things that crack you up, confuse you as well as embarrass you. (you know like making comments about stuff in a public bathroom? Asking if the lady next to you just tooted? Yeah it's great) You kind of get used to it after a while. However, it's hard to get used to them pointing out things on your body and making comments. That's a bit harder to swallow.

They will laugh while you dress, point at stuff, ask questions, make comments....Obviously it's how they learn about themselves but sometimes it does make you wonder.

Like the other day when the kids and I were doing school. I was reading them the story of Elisha and Naaman. If you don't know the story, in a nut shell it's about a man - Naaman - who had leprosy. He went to Elisha to get healed and Elisha told him to wash himself in the Jordon River 7 times. Naaman didn't want to at first but eventually did and was healed.

Kate was asking me about leprosy (and Kale was asking if it's still around, if there's a cure, if you can catch it....he's more worried about that kind of stuff). I explained to her that leprosy was a disease where you had sores and scabs all over your body.

Here's the kicker....

She looks at me sweetly and innocently and says "Like the sores on your face? That's leprosy?"

No sweetheart. Those are zits. Thankyouverymuch. Not leprosy. Obviously I know why she thought that. It's just always ever-so-great to hear how obvious your flaws are to a 5 yr old :)

Living with SPD (Part 4) P.S.

I know I said yesterday that I was done (thank you for all your sweet comments by the way -- it was very encouraging) but after rereading it I felt like I wanted to add just a couple things. Like what I've learned from all this.

This journey has definitely had it's difficult moments, things and emotions that I have never experienced before. It took me some time to come to a place to be able to blog about it (I can talk with people but I wasn't sure about how to blog about it). Many emotions that I had to deal with personally. I also prayed that my story would not shine a negative light on my daughter but instead educate, encourage and maybe even give hope to other parents no matter what their children are going through (not necessarily SPD). It's been a humbling, learning, growing process for all of us. And while I had moments of not liking my daughter I never had moments of not loving her. In fact God gave me even more compassion for her and her emotions as well as insight to His love for me

It was when she was melting and out of control that would make me want to tear my hair out, and at the same time I'd be hit with this feeling of overwhelming love for her. I'd feel so awful for her inability to feel and control herself. I felt like she didn't like the way she was behaving but she didn't know what to do about it (much like I was feeling). I saw her as a child crying out for help because she was lost, scared, afraid and unsure.

Much like I am with God. I can see Him watching the choices that I make and not liking them but Him always loving me and having compassion for me knowing that I'm lost, scared, afraid and unsure and how He desperately wants to help me if I'll let Him. A God moment(s) for me for sure.

I also learned that it's okay to get help. Many times we just don't understand that this behavior/symptom etc...isn't normal because it's just always been that way so we figure every kid must deal with this. Honestly I probably wouldn't have sought help if my folks hadn't suggested that something else may be going on. It gave me a new-found hope that maybe this wasn't supposed to be how my life was always going to be. I dealt with the thoughts that I should know my child. I should be able to take care of this, I just need to fix myself and be a better parent (can you say pride?). I finally realized that this wasn't something I could fix. And I needed to be humble and listen to others who knew better. Yes I know my child, but, I can't possibly know everything. And I didn't want my parenting pride to keep my daughter from having a happy childhood.

It wasn't always easy. So much of what she was doing just felt like she was misbehaving or I was doing terrible parenting. I was worried that the Drs would think I was a crazy parent who was trying to find some reason for her issues - anything other than my parenting! I knew there was a very real possibility that I could be doing things wrong and let me tell you that I am not first in line when it comes to getting criticism! But I realized that I was willing to do anything - including being humbled - to help my daughter. A huge revelation to me.

God was willing to do anything (and he did everything) to help His daughter - me.

I learned that there's always someone else who deals with similar things. You are not alone. You just need to be willing to talk about it and open up. It helps others open up as well.

I learned that there is a season for everything and God will use every circumstance in our lives to teach us how to love each other more, love Him more, and love ourselves. He doesn't "do" stuff to us but He will use our stuff to bring Him glory (if we let Him). And this year has been a year of difficult circumstances that I have had opportunity to learn and grow from and hopefully bring Him glory. And because of what I have learned, I am thankful. I know that my relationship with God is much different than what it was a year ago. Better. Not perfect but better.

On another note, we have started to see, as a family, a Christian chiropractor in town. Another road we will walk down to see where it takes us. There is hope that with his help, Kate may see even more improvement in her SPD as well as improvement in her eyesight. It may even enable her to go off her allergy meds which would also be a blessing. I will keep you posted on her progress. This is a 9 month long commitment! So here we go on another adventure :)

I hope that someday my daughter will read this blog/journal and see the tunnel that we walked through and see how God did miracles in both of our lives. And again, thank you for your encouragement. It really is a blessing to me!

Living with SPD (Part 3)

Hopefully I can wrap this up on this post.

We called the occupational therapist (OT) and met her in early August. Her name was Sherri and she was amazing. She totally has a heart for kids with SPD and she was very knowledgeable. She wanted to see Kate 3 times a week for 2 months to assess her, build a relationship, treat her, encourage her, teach her and teach us. So we did just that.

The first few weeks were interesting. Kate did really well and adored Ms Sherri. She spent time getting to know Mark and I and how we parent and building her baseline with Kate (seeing how much stimulation she could handle). Kate responded really well. In fact we noticed a change quite soon.

Sherri gave us exercises to do with her. She let us know why she'll react certain ways sometimes and not others (one of the biggest challenges with SPD is that you never know what exactly will trigger a meltdown -- one day it's one thing but it'll be completely different the next). She showed us, and Kate, techniques for coping with sensory overload. It was incredibly helpful and that's an understatement. We spent 2 solid months, 3 days a week, visiting Ms Sherri. It was challenging to entertain Jack and Kale in the waiting room for 45 minutes each visit so whenever I could pawn them off on someone, I did :) But we made it through and I'm so thankful we did.

As for when and where she has a meltdown, the psychologist told us that it's kinda like us wearing an itchy sweater. If we leave for the day wearing a sweater that we eventually find out is incredibly itchy, we'll tolerate it (meaning we won't be scratching our pits and bellies like dogs) until we can come home and change into something else. Same with Kate. When she's out around people she's either distracted or has a much higher tolerance for the over-stimulation then when she's home.

SPD is different with every kid which is also why it can be hard to diagnose and treat. There are kids whose tolerance level is zero no matter where they are or who they're around. There are kids who can handle itchy stuff but jumping on a trampoline makes them bonkers. Just as every child is unique, so is their SPD.

Sherri let us go in October. Actually when Mark and I got back from our trip to San Diego I got a phone call from the physical therapist's office telling me that Sherri no longer worked there. Honestly I cried. I felt a little foolish but then again, this woman helped change our lives! She helped me actually like my daughter again! We couldn't just never see her again!

So I stalked her. Well I didn't totally stalk her but I had emailed her once before during Kate's treatment so I had her email address so I wrote her. I told her that if she had moved to a new practice we'd follow her. We were so grateful for her work with Kate.

She responded that she was looking for another PT office to work from but she thought Kate was doing really well so she didn't think it was necessary to continue treatment (we were going to evaluate anyway when we got back from SD). I told her that I dreaded telling Kate. That Kate had loved, loved, loved going to play with her and had already been asking about her. Sherri then asked if we could meet and she'd tell Kate. I thought that was a fabulous idea.

So we baked her some cookies, drew her a picture, and met her down at the train station one night to say goodbye (or see you later). It was wonderful and it made me love Sherri all the more. She gave me her cell number and said that if Kate was struggling in the future to call her and she'd be happy to help us again. So thankful for that!

SPD isn't curable but it is treatable. Sherri told us that Kate may never show any symptoms ever again OR she may, in the future, if something in her life overwhelms her. She thinks Kate started displaying bigger symptoms because our year was so very stressful. With losing our baby and my aunt and then losing our dog...well Mark and I have faced numerous situations. And of course that affects your children. If/when it happens, Mark and I will be much better prepared now that we've walked, and continue to walk, this road. We've blown it many times with her. At this point we know that if she's tired, been going and doing too much for too long, or is really hungry, she is more likely to melt down. Routine, alone time and calming exercises seem to help keep her a balanced-almost-5-yr-old. It's when we over-schedule her or not schedule naps/quiet times that we have much more of a problem.

I hope that my 3 day saga gave you a little insight into our world and our daughter. There are, of course, so many stories I could've included but I figured 3 days of reading was plenty :) Thank you for sticking it out with me!

I'm thankful to have been on this journey. I'm thankful that God has shown me one "key" to my precious daughter. But more than anything, I'm so thankful to have my sweet baby girl back and we can go on our mommy/daughter dates without meltdowns!

Living with SPD (Part 2)

The final straw was a planned outing I had with Kate. I figured we needed a mommy/daughter date. Some sweet time alone so we could focus on each other. Have fun together instead of power struggling and being distracted by the boys. So we planned a date to go get a haircut (the beauty salon as we call it) then go get ice cream or something. The goal was to just be together.

We made it to the garage. Seriously. We got in the car and something was wrong with the car seat and the seat-belt and it led to a full on meltdown. I tried for 20 minutes to calm her down, fix her seat and make this work. I couldn't do it. I left her in the garage and came back inside.

Mark asked me what I forgot, assuming that I had driven off and turned around. I was crying by then and told him that I couldn't do it. I couldn't take her to town and risk her losing it while getting a hair cut. I couldn't be around her. At all.

Mark went out to the car and spent another 20 minutes trying to calm her down. He wasn't successful either. So we carried her inside and put her in her room {kicking and screaming} in hopes that she'd wear herself out eventually. I decided to go run an errand and have some alone time.

As I was driving and crying I started praying. I really felt so helpless and lost. I loved my daughter. I desperately wanted to like her too. I kept saying to God that there had to be a "key" that I was missing. What is the "key" to my daughter? What do I not see that I needed to? What questions have I not asked that I need to? Answers did not come right away but by just praying I was already feeling better. I was feeling unexplainable peace.

I did my errands and came home (almost an hour later) and Kate was still in her room. Still crying. I think this was one of the worst melt-downs I had seen. They are usually bad but not like this.

I can't remember the exact time-line for this next part but I know it wasn't too long after this melt-down, several conversations with my parents and even Kate freaking out about her car-seat with my parents in the car, that my mom called and told me about Sensory Integration Disorder (what I later discovered is now named Sensory Processing Disorder). She'd found some info online and wondered if this is what Kate was dealing with.

Truthfully, I was at a point where I was ready to go down any road to the very end just to see what might be the problem - even if it was me and my parenting - I was ready for change. I was relieved that my parents had observed Kate's meltdowns and didn't think it was me. I can't tell you how I felt after hearing that. To have a glimpse of hope that you alone are not screwing up your child is amazing.

My mom also mentioned finding out about any potential side-effects to singulair (which Kate had been taking for allergies this whole time). So I started researching and asking questions and making appointments with different Drs.

I started with our allergist to see if her medication could be affecting her. When I told him what we were dealing with he suggested SPD and recommended a psychologist to meet. I called the psychologist and our pediatrician and had meetings with both of them. After hearing our story they both, independently, said SPD. So I'm guessing, at this point, that the "key" might be learning more about SPD :)

A definition I found:
Sensory Processing Disorder or SPD is a neurological disorder causing difficulties with taking in, processing and responding to sensory information about the environment and from within the own body (visual, auditory, tactile, olfaction, gustatory, vestibular and proprioception). For those with SPD, sensory information may be sensed and perceived in a way that is different from most other people. Unlike blindness or deafness, sensory information can be received by people with SPD, the difference is that information is often registered, interpreted and processed differently by the brain. The result can be unusual ways of responding or behaving, finding things harder to do. Difficulties may typically present as difficulties planning and organizing, problems with doing the activities of everyday life (self care, work and leisure activities including work and play), and for some with extreme sensitivity to sensory input; sensory input may result in extreme avoidance of activities, agitation, distress, fear or confusion. There no known cure, however, many treatments are available.

Our pediatrician gave me the name of an occupational therapist to call (one that she herself had used) and that began the adventure down this particular road. Stopping here to give my hands a rest. I'll pick this up again tomorrow. Hang in there! Thanks for sticking this out!

Living with SPD (Part 1)

I realize that I haven't yet filled you in on anything going on with my daughter. I don't know how many of you are really interested in all of this but I'd like to take a bit to give you some information if you don't mind reading along.

It's hard to know just where to begin this since I think Kate's dealt with it her whole short life. When she was a baby she hated being swaddled (Kale was wrapped tight in a blanket till he was 6 months old!) and has always been a bit particular about what she wears. But I attributed all of that to her just being Kate and there was nothing wrong with that. I just needed to figure out what worked for her and what didn't. A challenging process for sure.

About a year ago we took Kate to an allergist [after she'd been sick so often and her mood was ever-changing] who diagnosed her with several different allergies and gave her some medicine to help. And they did help. She slept better and felt better (rarely got sick that winter) and behaved better. We thought we had things figured out. Ha!

Starting that next spring (last April/May) we noticed more and more behavioral issues. She would get angry over clothes and the way they felt. We had many fights over what to wear to church(or anywhere else we were pressed for time to get dressed for). We had long given up dressing her the way we wanted to dress her. We {both Mark and I} had visions of a darling little girl with pigtails and dresses. She had other ideas. And once I gave up my visions, I saw that we did have a darling little girl with her own unique style and I began to really love seeing what she was going to wear that day. Many days she doesn't match. At all. She'll also wear shorts in winter and pants in the summer. She'll layer clothes that you would never have thought to layer (like tights under cut-off jean shorts). That girl's got a personality all her own. I thought that letting go of my expectations and freeing her to be her would solve our problems.

Nope. Not that it didn't help - it did. BUT it didn't solve everything.

Then she started getting upset about her car seat being crooked and no matter how hard we tried to fix it it was never right. She'd get upset about how we brushed or fixed her hair. It was too tight or too loose or too crooked. Music was too loud. The sun too bright. We couldn't snuggle her just right. Her glasses were too tight. In fact everything was too something and you could bet that it wasn't too good.

We had arguments about her screaming and her behavior. It wasn't that I was upset that she didn't like something, I was upset because everytime she didn't like something it'd turn into a full-on meltdown temper tantrum. She'd kick and scream and hit me because her carseat was crooked or her seat belt "wasn't working". There were time-outs, spankings, lost privileges etc... I was pulling out every parenting trick I could think of. And things just weren't changing. She'd be melting for me and fine for everyone else. Church was fine. Small group was fine. Playdates were fine. Even visiting family was fine...for awhile. Eventually she started melting with family members.

I let so many things go in an effort to make things better for all of us. Fine, we don't have to fix your hair. Fine, I'll turn the music down. Fine, change your clothes. Fine, you can sit on my lap and put my hands just where you want them. But there were other things I couldn't compromise on. Car seat for obvious reasons. And her glasses. Without her glasses she is cross-eyed and she can lose her sight. I was at a loss at how to fight over those uncompromisable things. All the disciplining I was doing wasn't changing a thing and the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. I was seriously going insane!

There were days that I'd cry just as much as she did. Days I'd spend in prayer (all day!) begging God to show me what to do. I battled insecurity, self-doubt, anger, frustration and guilt (guilt because I didn't like my own child and believe me that tears you to pieces!). I'd worry I was being too strict. I'd worry I was being too lenient. I'd worry that I was being unfair and harsh. I'd worry that I just plain ole sucked at parenting and my children would end up....I don't know...miserable, lost, unhappy....

I feel like I need to stop here since this is already so long. If you've made it this far I'm proud of you. I will continue this tomorrow!

Totally insecure!

Ok so normally I'm a mostly confident, intelligent, capable person. At least I like to think that I am. I have been living on my own for 16 years, run a household fairly well, have had various jobs, been in ministry and have been competent in these things. I'm not saying I'm totally awesome...just competent and always learning.

But seriously there is something about parenting that makes me totally insecure!

I blogged a while back about how we, as parents, just want to be right - at least with our own children - and that tends to spill out into us wanting to be right with everyone's children. But I think deep down we want to know that we're not completely screwing up our children's lives. We want to be confident in our choices about childbirth, our children's food, their TV watching, social interactions, schooling, doctors etc...Wouldn't we all just love love love a big billboard somewhere that says "Jill, that was the right choice"?!!! Ok maybe you don't want it to say Jill but you know what I mean...

I can't tell you how many times in the past 6 1/2 years of parenting I have doubted my decisions, second guessed my gut, and paralyzed myself with endless options. It truly is infuriating.

Today for example, I was on the phone with the pediatrician's office about an appointment I had today (more on that later). While I was on hold Kate came running in the room crying because she had smacked her chin on the bathroom counter. I gave her a hug and soothed her. Then I realized her chin was bleeding. So we got a rag and I cleaned out the blood to see the cut. Honestly at the first glance it looked pretty deep. It wasn't a huge but but it seemed deep. I wasn't panicking but I was concerned because I wanted to make sure it was taken care of properly. Hindsight says buy butterfly band-aids and do it yourself but of course that's always 20/20.

Anyway, since I was on the phone already with the Dr's office I decided to find out what they thought. I told them that I thought my daughter cut her chin pretty deep and wondered if I should go see them or go to an ER or something. They said come in right now so we loaded up (by the way, today had started out VERY slow so I was just getting ready to hop in the shower when the Dr called and instead had to throw on clothes and get over the fact that my hair was in desperate need of a shampoo!!!) and made it to the Dr's in record time.

Of course once we got there I inspected the cut in the elevator on the way up and realized it had already begun to look 10 times better and I was now becoming embarrassed. I mean would they think I was the psycho mom who needed to run her child to a "professional" everytime I saw blood? *sigh* I so had to get over myself, suck it up and just face the music.

The nice Dr said that it didn't need stitches - it wasn't deep enough - but they would clean it out and put tape on it. Needless to say, he didn't do anything that I couldn't have done myself. Luckily I have a VERY inexpensive co-pay so that wasn't an issue. Nope today's frustration came from having to quickly get 3 littles to the Dr's and then realize that it wasn't really necessary.

Seriously, I felt like an incompetent parent.

Other moments of doubt come from numerous other things. Wondering if you should wait the fever out or call after 4 days. Should you get a throat culture or wait? Do they need a spanking or some serious correction? Do you make them eat or trust that they will eat when they're hungry? Are naps reasonable? Are they watching too much TV? Do they play outside enough? Is that normal behavior or is there something else to it?

And that last one is what we're dealing with with Kate. Lately she's been reacting to something (i.e. car seat, clothes, her glasses, her shoes) and literally losing it over how that feels. It/they can be too tight, too hot, too cold, too itchy, too strange, too tilted, too something. We never know. And frankly I'm not sure she always knows either.

This reaction is beyond temper tantrum. She will kick and scream and cry and yell and nothing we can do - believe me we've tried - will calm her down. It's been frustrating to say the least. She's a sweet, "normal" (I put that in quotes because really what is normal?), fun, strong-willed, wonderful 4 year old the rest of the time. She's an absolute joy to be around. She obeys 80% of the time which I think can be expected. I do not believe she's going to obey me 100% of the time without some correction. She's learning. But there's still that little bit that just doesn't seem right.

We thought it could be her allergies or her allergy medication. So we saw her allergy Dr. He is sending us to a psychologist to see if it could be something specifically with touch (I met with our regular pediatrician today and she agreed) I really don't know. There could be many reasons for her meltdowns. It could be due to the stress we've had over the last couple months. It could be allergies - food or otherwise - that we don't know about. It could be a behavioral thing. It could be just a phase. Truly we don't know. The only thing I know for sure is that I don't have the answer. I have felt like I'm missing some "key" to her. Something I haven't discovered yet so I will keep searching till I do. I love her. I want to help her if she needs it.

Here is where I would love love love a billboard that says "Jill you're on the right track. Here's what's going on and how you can fix/deal with it!". Wouldn't that be fabulous?!

So this has shown me, yet again, my need for God's wisdom, peace, and guidance. Truly parenting is impossible without God.

Adventures in Mommyland - Parenting: The Enigma

Enigma means a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling or difficult to understand. A riddle or paradox. And to me, that is what parenting is. An enigma.

I've pondered parenting for quite a while. Questions like why do we do it and how do we survive it? Here's what I've "figured" out :)

I think God is a genius! I know that's the understatement of the century but really, it's true! He's a genius and when it comes to children and parenting and generations He really knows best. And He knows how we work best.

Here's what I mean. First of all, He gives us a desire to have children. I think He gives it to most, if not all, people. I understand that this desire comes in various forms and at various ages, but I think He places something within us to reproduce. Little girls playing dress-up and pretending to be mommies at 2 and 3! It starts very young. Of course there are different seasons in our lives. Sometimes the desire is stronger and others it isn't. But I think it's there...in most people.

So we have the desire to have children. And making them? Well, that's just fun. Seriously, just think of all the different ways He could have designed that! And yet He made it fun. Enough said.

Ok so in His genius-ness He makes us pregnant for 9 months. 9 long months. During that time we go through a million emotions. Excitement, fear, apprehension, curiosity, joy....and by the end of those long 9 months we are at such an uncomfortable point that we don't care how that baby comes out, don't care how much it hurts {told you He was genius}, don't care about the excitement, fear, apprehension, joy etc...we just want them out! We are so ready to meet them, to hold them, to love them!

Then we go through labor {aka the hardest-stinkin-thing-I've-done} to bring this bundle of joy into our lives. It's the craziest pain I've ever felt. And not in a not-a-big-deal way. It hurts! And people who say it really wasn't that bad? Wow. Good for you. But here's the genius part - you forget! I mean you know how horribly painful it was and how you wanted to tear off your husbands head but you forget what it feels like. Crazy huh? Genius!

Then you go through baby boot camp. No matter what number child you are on you go through this boot camp. Think army, navy, air force and marines rolled into one. For 2-6 weeks, sometimes more, you {as the mom} are sleep-deprived, hormonal, leaking milk {joy, joy}, bleeding {totally making up for 9 months with no period}, fat {think pregnant with no baby in there} and yet head over heals in love with this tiny gift that eats, sleeps and poops. Seriously, only God can give us that kind of love for someone who has turned your life literally upside down. And then? You forget!

You forget how tired you felt, how you cried at Kleenex commercials, how you couldn't go to the bathroom without it being a major ordeal, how you would leak through shirt after shirt. Really. You forget. Genius!

Then they get bigger. You are melted time and time again at their smiles, their coos, their snuggles, their first words, their first steps, their first kisses. Even though they keep you up, challenge everything you've ever known or thought you knew, show you just how selfish and impatient you are. You love it! You love them. Genius!

Good days are mixed with bad days. Frustration is mixed with laughter. Time outs are mixed with kisses and hugs. Screaming is mixed with "I love you mama". Somehow it all works together. And then we want more kids! Because you forget the bad. Genius!

Have you ever talked to a parent of older children? They remember that their children were potty trained at 9 months, said their first word at 6 months, had all their teeth by 1 year with hardly any fuss and they were the joy of their lives. Really? I think it's because we remember the good, the wonderful, the joyful times. The yuck is kind of a fog. We know it was there but it isn't what we remember. Genius!

I've heard it said, and I agree, that parenting small children is physically challenging and parenting older children is emotionally challenging. I know I don't have older children yet but from my experience as a youth pastor I can see how emotionally challenging it can be. And yet, we continue to do it.

I believe parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done. Being a wife is easier. As a wife I have to focus on one person. Learn how to communicate, love and live with one person. As a parent I have to figure that out with 3 people. I've said that parenting 3 children isn't so bad. It's parenting 3 different children that poses the biggest challenge! But God is so good, and such a genius, that He walks with me on this journey of parenting. He guides me, encourages me, and loves me when I worry that my children will need therapy because I've screwed them up so bad.

Can you see now why I think parenting is an enigma? A paradox. A riddle.

A.K.A.

MOM
aka.
nurse, doctor, pharmacist, teacher, cook, waitress, housekeeper, chauffeur, coach, dictionary, thesaurus, encyclopedia, therapist, advice columnist, safety inspector, bath giver, sewing machine, carpenter, dentist, costume designer, dishwasher, censor, singer, random song writer, artist, dancer, pastor, prayer warrior, mentor, friend, disciplinarian, librarian, Ms. Manners, accountant, grocery shopper, germ cleaner, personal assistant, household manager, cheerleader, hostess, baker, gymnasium, jungle gym, punching bag, telephone service, baby birth-er/nurser, laundromat, pet sitter, early bird riser, toilet trainer, diaper changer, booty wiper, kiss/hug/snuggle dispenser.

And I wonder why I'm tired at night...
{By the way, the above picture is me around 5pm most nights.}

What's up Doc?

Oh my, what a week. Actually it's only been 6 days but it really feels like much more. I guess that happens. I realized that I haven't updated my blog with Kate's situation so I thought I'd take a few minutes and do just that.

I basically filled in everything from Wednesday and Thursday here so I'll pick up after that. I had myself a mini-meltdown on Thursday morning. Not wanting to have to deal with this. Not wanting to not go to Denver. Not wanting to deal with this by myself {Mark was busy literally all weekend}. So I cried, had myself a nice little pity party. I'm sorry I didn't invite you :)

Anyway, I got over it, sucked it up, decided I was the parent and I had to do what I had to do. It is what it is. I can do this. {that was my pep talk} I took Kate back to the Dr on Friday to see if the treatments and the medicines were helping with her O2 level. It was. Enough to keep her out of the hospital but not quite enough to keep her off the O2 :( So we went home again with the knowledge that it was going to be a long weekend fighting the O2 issue.

Mark was gone most of the day Friday and Friday night - for an awesome youth concert at church, then he left Saturday morning and was gone all day to help clean up and set up for church, then Sunday morning he had to be at church at 6:45am to finish setting things up. We did not get to see him much. Oh and he also got sick. So when he has been home he's been quite miserable himself.

So Kate and I have gone rounds about wearing the O2 and trying to stay out of the hospital. She's not an easy patient. I'm not expecting her to be cheerful, in fact I wouldn't like having to do everything she's having to do either, but she can be down right....what's the word?...cranky! And frankly so can I. We've had issue with the medicine taking, the O2 wearing, the cartoon and movie watching, the food eating, the liquid drinking, the potty going, the little girl sleeping, the brother annoying, and the Dr going. But the good news is that she's much, much better. She's running around and playing with her brothers, eating better, and being more like her normal self. The treatments are working!

Jack, I believe, is teething. My clues are the liquid poo coming from one end and the constant stream of drool coming from the other. I think by the time he went down for his first nap yesterday {9am} I'd changed him 4 times. Yummy.

Kale's a bit jealous of the attention Kate's getting as well as being a bit stir crazy. I was able to get him out of the house yesterday. The Blegers came and picked him up and took him to church. Thank goodness! He needed some friend time. He's been a trooper but he, like myself, can only take so much.

I've been sleeping on the couch for the past 3 nights. I've needed as much sleep as I can get and with Mark feeling like he's been feeling...well I get more sleep on the couch.

This morning my kids woke up at 7:30am {I know I'm not complaining about that I promise!} but were both in time out by 8:30. That's about when my good attitude starting going downhill. Struggling to get it back. Mark didn't go to work today. Thankfully he was given the day off to rest and hopefully recover from this massive head cold. I'm glad he's here because I have to take Kate back to the Dr this morning for another check up. Hopefully we come home with no more O2! Oh I pray so. It's funny how we get tired of routine but when life is completely changed upside down we long for that boring routine!

I'm just exhausted. A little overwhelmed with the state of my house and laundry. Many things have been put on the back burner due to O2 monitoring. Need to start catching up but would rather blog about my issues :) *sigh* You just caught me in a mood. It will pass soon. Although at this exact moment my kids are screaming from the couch that the TV went off. *double sigh*

Oh Lord, give me Your strength and patience today. Mine is all runned out!

Adventures in Mommyland -- Swiss Family Questions!

Some days the questions are just too much. I mean, how do you answer some of these?

*Mom, why are there white lines on the road?
To keep you in your lane.
Why?
Because it's safe in your own lane
Why are they dotted?
To let you know it's safe to pass.
If there's a car there how is it safe to pass?

*Mom, why are there yellow lines on the road?
To keep you in your lane and let you know you may NOT pass...
Why?
To keep you safe.
Why?

*Mom, what's diabetes?
A disease that means you have a hard time eating lots of sugar.
Do you catch it if you rub up against the wrong person?
No. You can get it from your parents. Like you have blue eyes because daddy has blue eyes. Sometimes our bodies are made just like our parents.
Why?
Cause that's how God does it?
Why?

*Mom, what's Autism?
Um......a behavior disorder {knowing full well this is not answering the question really}
What is that?
Um.......um........{seriously not sure how to describe Autism to him...} How about them Broncos?

*Mom, why do people have legs?
So we can stand and jump and walk around.
Why?
Because that's how God made us.
Why?
Because!

My brain eventually starts to hurt and I have to ask them to stop asking questions. I really can not break some of this stuff down into child-like bites. It can be SO challenging to try and explain complicated things to a child and have it make sense. Normal, everyday things that we take for granted knowing. Parenting is hard on the brain!

Kudos to every teacher, parent, Sunday school teacher etc...who break things down into teachable pieces. Daily my brain is mush from questions!

Adventures in Mommyland -- Oh my...

So I debated about blogging about this. But then figured that I don't want to hide the not fun stuff. Even if it's way crazy. I'm going to be slightly vague but hopefully you'll get what I'm trying to say here.

Last night was Mark's last night of men's softball for the season. The kids and I went up to cheer him on for 1, possibly 2, possibly 3, games. They wound up only playing 2. Took second in the tournament.

Anyway, I digress. Kate and Kale spent most of the 2 games over at the park with their friends. We could see them from where we were sitting and they were in a small pack. Just fine.

At the end of the evening another mom came over and told us what our children had been doing near the end. Suffice it to say that it was NOT what I thought they were doing over there. Basically it was childish curiosity and inappropriate.

My first reaction was disbelief, then embarrassment. Really? My kids did what? You can't be serious. No way. They know better than that. Don't they? How in the world do I deal with this?!?

We told Mark and I think he felt the same as I did. We were at a loss as to what to do. We packed up and headed home in our separate cars. Mark called me on his cell and we discussed the whole way home our plan of action. We didn't want to blow it out of proportion and over-react but at the same time we wanted them to know that it was NOT okay and not appropriate and if there ever was a next time punishment would be much more severe.

We finally agreed that it was definitely childish curiosity and foolishness. A discussion about what is ok and what is not was in order. A stern discussion. Once we got home and got them ready for bed we sat them down and talked through it. We asked again for what had happened - and made sure they understood that the punishment would be much worse if they lied about it. Then we talked to them about what is ok and why the choice they made was not ok. I think they understood but really we won't know unless the situation presents itself again and they make the right choice instead. We prayed with them and hugged them and sent them to bed.

They will still be punished, however. Mark and I have our last co-ed softball games this coming Sunday and for the first game they will sit with us in the dug out instead of going to the park to play with their friends. If there is a second game then they'll be allowed to go play. I hope and pray that we made the right decision about how to handle this. It's absolutely one of those curve balls that parenting throws at you. One you hope you don't have to deal with but in the back of your mind you're pretty sure it's going to come up at some point. Ugh...

I also know that this is the first of many such moments. Hopefully not the same situation but I believe that this won't be the last time that I will be shocked and embarrassed by a choice my child(ren) make. So not looking forward to more...

I am very thankful, however, that they were caught. Not that I like having to admit that my children are sinful (ha!) but because I am wanting them to grow in their ability to make right choices. And when they don't, I want them to be caught so they can learn. I'm pretty sure that the children who never get caught doing wrong, aren't sinless, just sneaky. I'd rather have a blatantly obvious sinner than a sneaky one. The obvious one can get caught and hopefully change. A sneaky one...well, let's just hope my kids don't go down that path.

So today I feel better about things. I still get a yucky feeling when I think about it but I am comforted in knowing that we handled it the best we could. And I just pray, constantly, that God will give us wisdom in all situations with our children.

Adventures in Mommyland -- Pirates of Politeness!

It's hard growing up. I remember it being hard. Hard to realize life isn't fair. Hard to learn new things. Hard to realize my younger siblings had it waaaay easier than I did ;) JK -- sort of...

As I've been watching Kale grow up, I've realized just how much we have to learn as we go. There are so many things I take for granted that I know. Like using utensils, speaking, reading, politeness etc... You never realize just how much you know until you have to teach it {an understatement I know...a fact I will quickly learn when homeschooling starts...}

We've been trying to teach Kale and Kate social manners. I've known people who are adults and have NO clue how to conduct themselves around others. I'm not claiming that I have it down perfect, but there are definitely rules I live by and want my children to know and understand. Common sense things. Decency things. Just plain manners! I think parents are forgetting these things more and more. And it's sad. So it's my mission to work my darndest to teach my kids how to be well-mannered. We have a looooong way to go :)

For example, Kale, as I have stated many times, is curious. Very curious. He asks questions constantly. Always wanting to know why this, where that, who did what, how did that happen... This is one of those challenges for me. He is fine being curious. That's how we discover things. It's how we ask, who we ask in front of and how loudly that make a huge difference.

On more than one occasion, with both Mark and myself, Kale will ask a question about a person who is probably less than 3 feet from us. He points and talks loudly. He isn't rude necessarily...yet. Just curious. He asked me why that man was so short {he was under 4'} and asked Mark why that woman was in a wheelchair. He's curious about things he doesn't know and we are desperately trying to teach him the appropriate way to ask his questions.

Kate, of course, has similar issues. Hers just manifest themselves differently. For example, taking her into a public bathroom. She wonders why we're sharing a stall, is mommy peeing or pooping, what's that tooting noise the lady next to us is making, she likes my undies etc...

I think Kale's embarrassed Mark in the men's room too. The stories Mark tells after we go swimming at the Rec Center and he and Kale come out of the men's locker room. Oh the questions!

Then there are lessons about food and what we like and don't like and how to handle it if we don't like something. Complaining about the food and pouting is not an acceptable response. How do you show manners and starve at the same time? :) Add on top of that learning why we chew with your mouth closed, why feet aren't allowed on the table, why tooting is outlawed at meals, and why making masterpieces with your food is frowned upon. So much to remember!

Personal space is another lesson. How close is too close to stand next to someone? Do I really have to watch where I'm going when running through a crowd? Surely this man doesn't care that I totally cut him off and made him almost trip. I'm chasing my sister!

Presents! Another difficult lesson. How to deal when one sibling gets a present or a privilege when the other doesn't. Boy oh boy do we deal with that one! When Kate was in the hospital, she got a stuffed animal from the Dr. When we came home and showed it to Kale he wanted to go to the hospital so he could get one. Poor kid had no idea what Kate went through to get it!

Interrupting when others are talking, either right in front of them or when I'm on the phone. We've tried to teach them to hold our hand and wait till we say their name. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

The Golden Rule. Doing for others what we'd want them to do for us. Close enough :) This one is hilarious sometimes. Kate will go and steal a toy from Kale, knowing full well how mad he's gonna be. When I ask her if she'd want Kale to do that to her she, of course, says no. But does it stop her? Not yet. We're still working...Kale is the same.

Patience. This I'm still working on with myself...

Life's little lessons are hard. We never stop learning them. I just pray daily that I can instill in my kids manners and thoughtfulness. I want them to think of others, not just themselves. And of course, this is a lesson I learn myself....daily.

Adventures in Mommyland! -- Big Lying Railroad

This morning gave us another ride on the lying railroad. This has been a challenge for me. Trying to figure out the best way to get the truth out without punishing them for telling the truth but still punishing for doing the bad thing.

A couple days ago I discovered marker on the couch. I first went to Kate to find out if she drew on the couch. She said Jack did it. Uh yeah right. I told her that it was not okay to lie. Kale saw me having this chat with Kate and came forward and said that he had drawn on the couch. I was amazed. He's not drawn on anything besides paper really. I told him that I was thankful that he told me the truth and that he will have his markers taken away for a week (this is a big deal to this kid). He was so upset. He kept telling me that he told the truth, that he shouldn't be punished. I tried to explain that if he had lied and I had found out, not only would he lose his markers but he would've been spanked. So it's much better to tell the truth.

Then this morning I went into Kale's room where he and Kate were playing cars. They had shut the door and I went to check on them. Two seconds after entering the room Kate tells me that Kale peed in the heating vent. I was shocked. So I asked Kale if this was true. He said yes. My mind is racing. What do I do?

So I went for natural consequence punishment. I made him clean it up. I told him that this was disgusting and that he would clean it up. He seemed perfectly fine with that. He shrugged his shoulders and said 'Ok, I'll clean it up. I just had to go and couldn't make it to the bathroom'. Just like that. No big deal.

I left his room frustrated. It's not that I need buckets of tears but a little remorse or understanding that we don't pee in heating vents would be nice. But no. So I shared this info with Mark and he took over. He went in and said in his stern voice that it was not okay. Then he marched Kale to the bathroom to show him that it really isn't that far away from his room and that he's more than capable of making the trip and not having to pee in the vent.

It upset Kale to be "punished". I mean walking to the bathroom isn't really that big of a deal. Cleaning out the vent is gross but not really that bad. I mean there are far worse forms of punishment.

After he cleaned out the heating vent he said that he wished that Kate had never told me about it. I said that I'm glad that she did and that he would've been in much more trouble had he lied {to which he said he didn't lie and I had to explain that not telling me the truth by not saying anything is still lying}. Seriously, this is complicated.

So after the ride I've been thinking about how I handled it and how it should've been done differently. For example, I hate tattle-tailing and Kate totally got away with it and was actually justified in doing it. If she hadn't said anything, the only way we would've know is when his room started to smell like a urinal! Gross! So how do I deal with tattle-tailing? Should she be punished too? And what about lying? I'm actually praying that Kale gets caught lying so he can be punished for both what he did and then for lying about it. Just so he can see that there really are greater consequences for lying. Is that bad? Does anyone have any better advice?

There are just some things that are not so easy to explain. I certainly don't want Kale to be afraid of telling us the truth but I don't want to reward his other bad behavior. I want him to be remorseful and have an understanding that what he did was wrong and not just be upset that he was caught. Although as I type that I can't help but think that there are so many adults - and of course we read about them all the time in the media - that are upset that they were caught but not so sad about what they did. Wow. How do we teach this concept to our kids? This is hard! Anyone willing to share some insight?

Adventures in Mommyland! -- Potty-training Mountain

I was picturing this scenario in my head the other day....

Announcer: Jill! You just got a plus sign on your prego test! Where will you
go now?
Me: Disneyland?
Announcer: No! Mommyland!

Haha! Little did I know that Mommyland would be kinda like Disneyland except forever. It has rides [lots of different rides] it can be fun, it can be tiring, it can make you sick, it can be hugely expensive and it's the time of your life!!! So I thought I'd blog about some of the rides I've been on.

Starting with Potty-training Mountain.

This ride is a thrill a minute...almost. It has a huge hill to climb, a drop off on one side, huge ups and downs, but is so great when you come to the end.

My son Kale was my first trip on this ride. I can't say it was my favorite ride ever. It took 6 looooong months to get him through the ride. 6 months of trying every trick known to mom and dad and anyone else who had advice. Finally, he did it. He was 3 1/2. Not a moment too soon :)

My darling daughter, Kate, is now going on this ride. While I was grocery shopping last week I was getting nausous in the diaper section thinking about spending more and more money on diapers for her. They are stinkin' expensive!!! I decided to try again even though she might still be afraid of the toilet. So I bought the pull-ups (hate those things - they really are just diapers only different) but decided to make her wear undies under them. Just to make it really uncomfortable when she's wet. I wasn't sure how she'd react to this. But the pull-ups were princess so I thought that would help.

It did.

She put those suckers on Friday night and has only had a few accidents in a week. She now cries when we try and put a diaper on her overnight. She loves her new undies and this mom couldn't be more thrilled. Finally! This time around I had (I hope) more wisdom when it came to Potty-training Mountain.

Wait....wait....wait...wait some more....wait....princess undies.

I wonder if it will work for Jack?